#Opinion

Ghar Se Kachra Nikaal: Is Bride A Pile Of Garbage Which Needs To Be Disposed Off?

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What does Bidaai of a bride signify? A start of new life, an end of euphoria or a patriarchal custom that signifies parents getting rid of their “burden”?

Recently, I came across a reel in which the bidaai custom was being performed during a wedding. In the reel, the bride was crying inconsolably for being sent off to another family. While some men, supposedly her family members, pitilessly and somewhat forcefully picked her up and led her to the car of the groom. What made it even worse was the song playing in the reel, “Gaadi wala aaya ghar se kachda nikal.”

I understand what a joke is. So don’t come at me saying that it was just a prank or a joke and I am making a mountain of a molehill. The fact that the woman was crying bitterly itself was proof that the situation was far from being a subject of the joke. Didn’t the reel imply that an unmarried woman in the house is as useless as waste? Didn’t it reinforce the idea that unmarried daughters are a burden over families that they want to get rid of as soon as possible?


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Regressive wedding ritual to alienate women

The regressive wedding ritual of bidaai is one of the most painful parts of a woman’s life. She is literally uprooted from her family and house where she was nourished and grew up and now must adjust as per the customs and norms of a new household, even at the cost of losing her identity. There is no such rule for men who get married. They get to live with their parents, purely because of the privilege that their gender provides. These unfair practices merely hint at the position men and women hold in our society.

Dear people, leaving one’s parents is not a joke. Leaving the house and room where we grew up, cried and had the most beautiful moments of our life is not a joke. The men who make a joke out of it wouldn’t even imagine how painful it is to go through this custom. Rather than changing the custom, people are taking the freedom to make a joke out of it and believe me it doesn’t reduce but increase the pain by seeing people’s insensitive behaviour.

Yes, bidaai can be a joyful moment too, and I am not denying that. For example, actor Shraddha Arya’s bidaai was completely against the age-old custom. She was giggling and laughing loud while making a joke out of it herself. But this joke didn’t prick us because the woman was not in pain or was crying. She was happy to move on with her husband.

First of all, marriage should not just be about women leaving their homes, it should be about a couple making a new beginning on an equal footing. And even if any one of the partners is leaving their family, the choice should be theirs as an individual, not on basis of their gender. Similarly, a wedding should be a choice for women, something which is not seen by parents as a big responsibility and thus reduces daughters to being a burden on them. Any home is blessed if a daughter lives in it and makes it her own. If only Indian families can see beyond regressive stereotypes.

Views expressed are the author’s own.