“Some Days, The Grief Is Larger Than You”: Mallika Dua On Love & Loss

In an unfiltered conversation on The Rulebreaker Show, comedian and writer Mallika Dua opened up about the grief of losing her parents, the struggle to find purpose, and the societal pressures that continue to shape women’s lives. Her reflections offer a vulnerable look at healing, self-discovery, and loss.

The Weight of Grief: Losing Parents and Learning to Live Again

Mallika speaks candidly about the irreplaceable void left by her parents.  

"If you lose your parents at 100, you’re still not going to be okay with it. It doesn’t matter when it happens—it’s a loss that stays with you."

Despite the pain, she acknowledges the privilege of having had deeply loving and supportive parents. Both she and her sister were raised with values that prepared them to face life’s hardships, yet the daily reality of grief is inescapable. She says, "You have to confront it. Some days, the grief is larger than you, and some days, you’re larger than it. It’s a part of you now."

Therapy, physical exercise (like boxing, which helped channel her anger), and allowing herself to feel the pain have been crucial in her journey. Yet, she admits that grief isn’t something one "gets over"—it’s something you learn to live alongside.  

The Search for Purpose 

One of Mallika’s most poignant and honest revelations on the show is her ongoing struggle to find a sense of purpose.  

"I have done a great job of existing and managing, but I don’t have a sense of purpose right now. I look at people with kids and think, ‘I can barely keep myself alive on a given day.’" 

This reflects a rather broad generational shift, where traditional milestones (marriage, children) no longer define fulfilment for everyone. She beautifully expresses, "I’m looking for something greater than my feelings—something that makes me want to get up and do more than just exist."

The Pressure of Parenting and Personal Expectations

Mallika admits that her parents set an incredibly high standard for parenting, making her hesitant about having children herself.  

“I’ve had top-notch parents. If I can’t match that, then what’s the point?", she says.

She also shares her doubts towards marriage, emphasizing friendship over societal expectations.  "I don’t believe marriage is between two families—it’s between two people. If it brings ease and companionship, great. But I don’t want unnecessary headaches."

Her perspective challenges the dated and difficult conventional narratives. 

Anger, Authenticity, and the Trap of Social Media

Mallika doesn’t hold back when discussing what frustrates her—inauthenticity, especially in creative fields.  

"You could be an ace sportsman who’s won medals for the nation, but today, you’re reduced to making reels on some stupid song. What does that say about us?"

She critiques the performative nature of social media, where validation often overshadows genuine expression. "We’re overstimulated, overexposed, and yet feel so empty. Everything is available in six-minute deliveries, but what are we really consuming?", she points out.

Her concerns extend to the impact on mental health and identity, calling for more awareness about the dangers of digital addiction.  

Feminism, Choices, and Stereotypes

The conversation shifts to feminism and the evolving roles of women. Mallika rejects the idea that there’s only one "right" way to be a feminist.  

"It doesn’t make anyone less of a feminist to have a family or be a mother. Nurturing is one of the greatest things—but it shouldn’t be taken for granted."

She applauds advancements like egg freezing, which allow women to make reproductive choices on their own terms. "It’s great that people don’t have to make life decisions based on a biological clock. That’s real freedom."*  

Health, Aging, and Self-Care

Mallika shares her health rituals, emphasising the importance of listening to her body.  

• Starting the day with fatty, salty foods (to avoid sugar crashes).  
• Strength training (for physical and mental resilience).  
• Walking 

Advice to Her Younger Self

If she could go back, Mallika would tell her younger self:  

"Don’t let fear dictate your life. Schools instill this fake reverence—like you have to please everyone. But childhood should be about joy, not anxiety."

She also reflects on her time studying abroad, wishing she had known: "You don’t need validation from others to exist. The world will change—but you define your own worth."

Mallika Dua’s journey is one of resilience, honesty, and defiance. Whether navigating grief, questioning societal norms, or seeking purpose, her story reminds us that healing isn’t linear—and that sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is simply keep going.