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Photograph: (Image from the author)
"Raising Two, Growing Too" explores the beautiful chaos of parenting kids with an age gap. This column dives into the unique joys, challenges, and life lessons that come with nurturing siblings at different stages of life. Whether you’re a seasoned parent or just starting this journey, this space is for celebrating the everyday triumphs and transformative moments of motherhood.
You know what they say, motherhood comes naturally, but sisterhood…maybe not so much! And boy, did I learn that the hard way. My older daughter was absolutely over the moon when her baby sister was born. I mean, ecstatic doesn’t even cover it, she was practically bursting with happiness, like she’d just won the lottery. She’d been dreaming of a baby sister for years, and when she finally got one, she was beyond excited. But here’s the funny part - just a couple of weeks ago, my 11-year-old came up to me and said, “Mummy, I’m beginning to like Aisha now.”
I wasn’t sure how to react at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised how deep that statement was. From the moment Aisha was born, my older daughter was head over heels in love obviously. But I get it now, after spending 10 years as an only child, having a little one around can be a big adjustment. That love to grow and to show takes a while. Suddenly, someone’s climbing on you for hugs and kisses all the time, and that takes some getting used to. I’ve always said that motherhood doesn’t come naturally, and I now understand that the same applies to sisterhood. It’s been a process for my older daughter to get used to sharing the spotlight and her space, but I’ve been amazed at how she’s grown into her role as a big sister.
Now, let’s get to the practical side of things. How do you juggle kids when you have a wide age gap like mine? Well, it’s all about teamwork and a very practical approach. My husband and I know there are situations where one of us can’t be with both kids, so we divide and conquer. For example, since my older daughter is into basketball, my husband takes her to early morning tournaments or matches while I take care of the baby at home. Yes, we plan that my younger one and I will join them for breakfast afterward, but we’re not always tied at the hip, we make it work by dividing the load.
Another big tip: respect their moods.
My older daughter, like any pre-teen, has her moments. She’s navigating school, friends, and life, and sometimes she just needs her space. So when she gets home from school, I don’t bombard her with a million questions like, “How was school? Tell me everything!” Instead, I give her some space to unwind. I also make sure that when she’s back from school, my younger one is either napping or awake and in a good mood, so there’s no risk of two grumpy kids clashing. But, of course, sibling grumpiness is inevitable! The younger one is too small to navigate her own emotions just yet, so I step in when necessary. Once she’s a little older, I’ll let them pull each other’s hair out and do what siblings do best - obviously, with a lot of love!
And here’s another tip for you: meal times. Now that my younger one is a little older, she eats what we eat, and I try to make meals that work for the whole family. But, let’s be real, sometimes, we’re all eating different things based on dietary requirements and schedules. My older daughter might be having pasta, while the younger one has a slightly altered version of the same dish, more suited for her age and needs.
But here’s the trick, I make sure the dish is the same, even if the preparation is a little different. So when the older one is eating pasta, the younger one is also getting a similar dish, and it gives the feeling that both of them are sharing a meal together, even if the timing is different. It’s almost like saying, “Look, both sisters are having pasta for dinner,” and that really helps them bond, even at mealtime.
Thankfully, I work from home, so I’m able to manage the balance between both girls. As my younger one gets older, I’m finding more opportunities for family outings, and while it’s still a juggling act, we’ve found a rhythm that works for us. Every day’s a new adventure, but at the end of it, I’m proud of the bond my girls are building, step by step, day by day. So, here’s to making it work, one hug (and one grumpy moment) at a time!
Ankita Dhupia, a corporate professional, content creator, and 44-year-old mom of two loves sharing her journey of motherhood and finds joy in expressing herself through writing. Views expressed by the author are their own.