How Becoming A Mom Again In My 40s Redefined My Perspective On Motherhood

"Raising Two, Growing Too" explores the beautiful chaos of parenting kids with an age gap. This column dives into the unique joys, challenges, and life lessons that come with nurturing siblings at different stages of life. Whether you’re a seasoned parent or just starting this journey, this space is for celebrating the everyday triumphs and transformative moments of motherhood.

When I became a mother again at 42, I knew I was entering a phase of life that was not part of my plans. My firstborn was already 10 years old, and adding another child to our family at this stage came with its fair share of questions, surprises, and even self-doubt. Late motherhood was not something I had imagined for myself, but life often takes us down unexpected and beautiful paths.

Before I conceived, I sometimes wondered how others would perceive my decision. Would they assume it was unplanned? Would they think I was too old for this? These thoughts lingered in the back of my mind, but they never dictated my actions. Once I decided this was what I wanted, my focus shifted entirely. I embraced the journey ahead with certainty, leaving behind the noise of external opinions.

When the news finally came out, it was met with curiosity (no guesses for this) My daughter came home one day and said, “Mom, my friends told their moms that you are pregnant!” Soon after, their mothers began asking me cautiously, “Is it true? Are you pregnant?” Their questions felt more like an effort to process something they did not expect than any kind of judgment. I nodded with confidence.

Raising a child in your 40s is a completely different experience than in your 30s. Life feels slower, more intentional, and filled with gratitude.

I have noticed how much more patience I have now. The small frustrations that might have overwhelmed me as a younger parent do not hold the same weight anymore. I have learned to cherish the little things, the warmth of her tiny hand in mine, the sparkle in her eyes as she explores her world, and the pure joy of witnessing her first steps. These moments have become my daily reminders of why I chose this. 

Balancing the highs and lows of late motherhood

Of course, late motherhood comes with its challenges. There are days when my energy feels stretched thin. Balancing the demands of a new baby and a pre-teen can be physically and emotionally draining. Sleepless nights, baby tantrums, and my older daughter’s school projects do not pause to accommodate how I feel. Yet, every challenging moment is offset by the joy and fulfilment this journey brings.

My older daughter is navigating the early stages of adolescence, and being there for her during this pivotal phase requires a new level of presence and understanding. Supporting her means listening to her big feelings, guiding her without overwhelming her, and showing her -- I am available no matter how hectic life gets. It is a balancing act, and though some days I stumble, my focus remains on being present for both of my girls.

One of the most heartwarming aspects of this journey has been witnessing the bond between my daughters. Despite their 10-year age gap, their connection is beautiful. My older daughter has embraced her role as a big sister with kindness and care. Watching her guide and protect her younger sibling fills my heart with so much pride. Their shared laughter, playfulness, and sibling love are the rewards that make it so much more rewarding.
As a parent in my 40s, I have also come to let go of perfection. In the past, I might have worried about whether I was doing everything “right,” from following every parenting trend to preparing perfectly balanced meals. But with time and experience, I have realised that the measure of a good parent is not in doing everything perfectly but in being there when it matters most. Some days, the house is messy, the to-do list is untouched, and dinner is far from ideal. Yet, my children know they are loved, and that is what truly matters. Right? This journey has taught me patience and the importance of staying present.

Motherhood in my 40s has a way of putting life into perspective. I no longer sweat the small stuff, and I have learned to embrace the chaos that comes with raising children. 

Becoming a mother again at 42 has been a journey of personal growth. It has made me stronger, more resilient, and deeply in tune with what truly matters in life. It has also shown me the value of tuning out the world’s expectations and embracing the path that feels right for me.

Late parenthood was not something I ever imagined for myself, but I am endlessly grateful it became part of my story. As I watch my children grow, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Yes, it may not be the norm, but it is a chapter I chose to write, and I would not change a single word of it.

Ankita Dhupia, a corporate professional, content creator, and 44-year-old mom of two loves sharing her journey of motherhood and finds joy in expressing herself through writing. Views expressed by the author are their own.