Marriage is assumed to be monogamous. It is considered the key to warding off loneliness in life. However, today’s generation thinks otherwise. They have reframed the idea of marriage by making it a way to love and stay with one’s own self. You guessed it right! I am talking about sologamy.
Sologamy is now becoming a trend in India. Many women are opting for it after Kshama from Gujarat set an example for us by marrying herself this year. But what is the reason behind this? Why are women opting for sologamy? Let’s find out!
Women Opting Sologamy: 10 Reasons
1. Women have been taught that marriage is always about pleasing someone else. From childhood, women are told that they need to be good wives and bahus by appeasing their husbands and in-laws. But why is the responsibility of pleasing others always on women? Why should women be likeable to their in-laws and other people in general? So to like and appease their own self, women are now marrying themselves.
2. Marriage is considered to be a medium for a woman to have financial and social security. But today women are seeking independence in terms of finance and lifestyle. So they don’t really need anyone else. Then why should they marry someone else for the same?
3. Women are never taught to prioritise their happiness and choices. They are always expected to live for others. So through sologamy, women are reclaiming the right to value themselves and be happy.
4. It is said that women will gain blessings if they serve their husbands and in-laws. But today women are not ready to buy these beliefs because they have seen the inequality lurking behind them. They now believe that blessings are gained by performing good deeds and valuing one’s own self is the most wonderful deed that every human must practice.
5. In our society, domestic violence is a hard reality of many women. There are many loopholes too when it comes to the trial of domestic violence cases. Sometimes it doesn’t even reach trial and women are expected to be quiet and bear all the injustice. Parents themselves teach their daughters to consider domestic violence as a part of marriage. Considering this picture, why will any woman want to sign up for a bond where there is no respect and justice for them? Through sologamy, they not only preserve their self-respect but also value their rights to be safe and secure.
6. Divorce in our society is taboo. Marriage is assumed to be a bond that should last till the last breath no matter how toxic it is. Even then if women seek a divorce, they are at the receiving hands of shame and blame throughout their life. Through sologamy, women are trying to escape these hurdles that might occur in their lives.
7. In marriage, society burdens women with all the responsibility of sustaining the marriage. Women are expected to work and sacrifice to preserve the longevity of marriage. But in sologamy, women are responsible only to love themselves and prioritise their needs. And this responsibility is essential for any human to flourish.
8. After getting married, a woman’s life becomes the property of her marital family. She is expected to live, perform duties and die as per her marital family’s expectations. A woman is forced to leave the job they love and exert themselves in the kitchen and in producing a male heir for the family. In sologamy, women remain humans with equal rights to live and die peacefully.
9. It is undeniable that after marriage, the pressure to conceive a child is huge. Even though pregnancy is completely related to women, society makes it a matter in which family members get to make the decisions. Through sologamy, women not only reclaim their rights to their bodies but also the choice to be a mother or not.
10. In India, marital rape is still not considered a crime. A woman is expected to give sexual favours to their husbands even if they don’t want to. Their bodies are controlled by the husbands who are expected to take their wives’ sexual consent for granted throughout their lives. Sex after marriage is all about male pleasure or pregnancy. Rarely does a woman’s desire or consent matter. But through sologamy, women retrieve their right to orgasm and sexual consent. They reclaim their bodily autonomy and do not let anyone else but themselves decide what they want for their bodies.
Views expressed are the author’s own.