Numerous Indian women who enter into marital relationships are well above their 20s and are virgins. This is a staggeringly low margin when compared to the minimum age at which people in most western countries have their first sexual experience. For us, the information about intimacy is already indirect and incomplete, let alone when it comes to sex after marriage.
Considering that women are already in the dark when it comes to sex education and from being raised in a patriarchal society, sex after marriage can be complicated for us. Do we have a real understanding of sex and our rights? Let’s explore.
No means No
Let alone having knowledge about sex, many women aren’t even aware that they have the right to say “No” to their partner and their refusal needs to be accepted.
Sex in movies is overrated
What we see on screen is a scripted and edited version, which makes it seem passionate, steamy, intense, and in sync. Sex in real life can be raw, messy, funny, and awkward.
Communication is important
It’s completely normal and acceptable for women to express their needs without being judged for having knowledge about sex. Sex should be pleasurable for women too. So, we need to have open and honest communication with our partner.
It’s normal to bleed and not bleed
It’s completely normal for a woman to not bleed during her first time. The WHO has stated that there is no evidence that virginity tests can determine the virginity of women. It’s basic science that the hymen tears during strenuous activities, or some hymens stretch more and never tear or bleed.
Discussion about contraceptives
Since women go through pregnancy and labour, we need to be physically, emotionally, and financially ready. Also, women can expect men to wear condoms or undergo vasectomy as we already deal with a lot of things.
Sex can be frustrating while trying to get pregnant
Sex can be frustrating while trying to conceive because of the planning and societal pressure. People only ask women for “good news.” Seldom do men receive such pressure. Also, only women are judged if a couple doesn’t have children. With the pressure, sex might feel more like a scheduled task rather than an act of love.
Suggested Reading: Female Orgasm: Do Women Know About It?
Changes after parenthood
Some women tend to have a reduced or no libido during pregnancy and after childbirth. Priorities and needs change when a baby enters their life. It needs effort from both partners to find ways to ignite the spark again in their sexual lives.
Looks don’t matter anymore
After a period of time, women stop worrying about their looks. They start to lose their inhibitions and get comfortable with pimples, extra fat, body hair, etc. Women who had the lights off earlier won’t be apprehensive about anything over time.
Know their body
After being married for a few years, women would have experimented with different things and discussed their preferences and limitations. So, we would have gotten to know our bodies well.
Women may not always be ready for sex if their partner does not contribute equally to household chores and parenting. However, this doesn’t mean the love is lost or they don’t enjoy it anymore. They just have too much on their plate.
After a few years, sex tends to become monotonous. It needs equal creativity, interest, willingness, and work from both partners to keep it spicy and fun. Couples need to come up with innovative ways to keep the passion burning.
This article has been published under SheThePeople’s Young Writers Training Program. Views expressed are the author’s own.