Recently, my cousin told me that her roommates didn’t know what female orgasm is. Although the revelation was shocking, it failed to take me by surprise.
Hasn’t it always been the norm to suppress and deny the existence of female pleasure? Are women allowed to express their sexual needs in our society without being slut-shamed? And if women cannot express their sexual desires, how can they know about female orgasm?
Patriarchy in bedrooms
Like every other aspect of society, patriarchy dominates in bedrooms too. Sex is all about male pleasure. Once the man reaches his sexual climax, the act is considered to have reached its completion without any second thought on whether the woman had the pleasure or not. Sex in our society is rarely considered an act of mutual pleasure.
It is either a service that a woman is bound to give to her husband. Or a way to increase the progeny. But what about female pleasure? Where does women’s agency over their sexual needs come when we talk about sex? Is it given equal importance as male pleasure? Does sex education focus on female orgasm? Or does it portray sex as an act of male dominance?
Let us not shy away from admitting that sex and sexual pleasure is the need of every human. Then what is wrong when women demand it? Why are women slut-shamed if they are vocal about their sexual needs? Do we question men when they openly talk about their sexuality? The shame around the expression of female sexuality is yet another example of how male gaze bottles up women’s agency. It is the male gaze of sexual relationships that demands women to be the subservient partner.
Women are never taught about female orgasm and pleasure
I often wonder if our mothers know about female orgasm and whether they ever sought pleasure in sex. The answer most probably is no because in our society women are never taught about pleasure in sex. My mother never taught me about female orgasm or even sex. Neither did she learn anything about it from her mother. But then what forces women to remain in a marriage or relationship that is sexless or doesn’t value female orgasm? Of course, it is the financial dependence and the idea that women need a man to attain a respectful identity in society. Women are always taught to sacrifice, adjust and cater to the needs of their partners rather than being vocal about their own needs.
The very definition of relationship in our society is flawed. It rarely has a place for female orgasm. It is mainly about women’s dependence and sacrifice and men’s dominance. But if relationships do not consider female orgasm as an important aspect, will it ever be a happy relationship?
It is high time that we shed the shame around female sexuality and educate women about female orgasm and their rights in sexual relationships. If men have the freedom to demand pleasure from sex, so do women. If it is normal for men to reach sexual climax, so it is for women. Stop making every aspect of society centred around men. Society will gain equilibrium if the needs and desires of every person, irrespective of gender, is taken into consideration.
Views expressed are author’s own
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