#Personal Stories

Here’s Why Detachment Is An Integral Part Of Motherhood

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The integrity of a mother-child relationship is rooted in attachment, that is pious to most mothers. But this attachment to children can become problematic because as they grow and their universe expands, moms can have trouble letting go. If a mother remains too strongly attached, the bond can become unhealthy. It takes a lot of mature thinking on behalf of mothers to realise that detachment is good both for the sanity of the mother and the child.

Motherhood is the most beautiful feeling in the world that is accompanied by many responsibilities. One of them is the ability to strike a balance between attachment and detachment at the same time. While mental detachment can never be an option, for a child’s’ growth and to prepare him/ her for the world, mothers ought to physically detach.

Also Read: Is motherhood the end of alone time? Asks Rega Jha

When my siblings and I left our parents home for a bright future, my parents had to do deal with an empty nest. My father’s health degraded because he couldn’t express his grief of missing us, although my mom stood like a pillar of support, both for us children and our father. She never complained about or mentioned her own heartbreak, her tears were enough to tell us that she will miss us but as soon as we stepped out, all she did was prayed for our safe and better life.

On the first day of the playschool of my two and a half years old niece, my sister, who was adamant to put her in one of the best school, had tears in her eyes because that was the first time her firstborn would be away for two hours from her. Mothers who are left behind, as their kids embark on this new venture, feel happy and sad at the same time and this feeling cannot be explained.

Mothers know in their hearts that as securely attached children get older, they are better able to tolerate physical distance from their mother because they may still be able to communicate with her and they anticipate being comforted upon reunion. Every sacrifice a mother makes is a privilege according to her.

The process of becoming a mother, which anthropologists call “matrescence,” has been left largely unexplored. Instead of focusing on the identity transition that a woman endures, research is focused on how a baby turns out. Once the child is out, no one even cares about the mothers including moms themselves, as for them it’s the bundle of joy who needs care and attention.

Also Read: Men Doing Housework: Are Ground Realities Changing for Women?

However, motherhood is not confined to the human race. It’s important to remember humans aren’t the only ones who take extraordinary steps to protect, nurture and raise their young. The animal kingdom is flush with moms that take the time to teach their babies how to find food and protect themselves against harm by detaching and protecting them at the same time.

To sum it up, I understand what actor and television presenter Ricki Lake meant when she once said, “Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.” For mothers, even detachment is for the betterment of her children.

Jaayaa A Kumarr is a lawyer by qualification and a marketer by profession. The views expressed are the author’s own. Have an opinion and want to share it? Send over to [email protected]