Anger Management: How To Calm Yourself Down When Angry?

Anger management is wasted on those that are inherently calm. However, if you grew up as someone who was labelled hyper then this write may give you some guidance.

When I was little, I had a difficult time managing my anger. I attribute that to my background of coming from a dysfunctional family.

However, at a certain point, we grow up and try to make something of ourselves. At this point, we longer wish to be seen as someone else’s daughter, sister, or grandchild, but as individual beings. It was during such a stage of establishing my imprint on this substantial world that I found myself struggling to control my anger.

I looked up to calm people like my mother and wondered how they did it. I wasn't a child that self-harmed or was violent with others. However, the latter might have manifested had my mother not stepped in at the right moment.

I'm now penning this post as an adult with the hindsight of what helped me overcome my anger and stay calm when I needed it the most.

Simple Steps To Anger Management

Spiritual Guidance

This did not help me a lot growing up, at least not that I can recall. However, when I was little my mum suggested that I go and sit near the shrine and chant whenever I got angry.

Hearing chanting gives me power sometimes but I do not find chanting ideal in a scenario where I'm envisioning myself throwing a chair at someone's face. I mean, being violent in my head should be allowed, right? just a little?

Deep Breaths

Okay, this one does help. Breathing helps. It helps me gather my thoughts and formulate my sentences. When I'm very angry and I try to speak I tear up, my voice shakes and my body trembles in rage. This is not ideal if it is a heated argument that requires a response.

If an argument deserves a response then the best way I realised for myself is to take breaths, gather myself, and attempt to speak a few words. This I've found over the years is better than shouting and ending up with a dry throat.

Ignoring, Let It Go!

Some heated scenarios deserve your cold shoulder and you preserving your mental peace. Growing up I always thought that having the last word in the room was being the victor. A few years back I realised that having the last word is not worth my time. When I'm in an argument with people who are trying to bring me down or do not understand where I'm coming from, I see no point in labouring to impress my thoughts on them. I take a stance for myself firmly once and then leave them to their barking.

Communicating The Need For Space

There are very few people I hold dear whose opinion and validation does matter to me. When I'm in an argument with those very people, I might be hurting depending on the gravity of the argument.

I usually like to communicate my need to delay my conversation with them to communicate my state of mind and opinions so that I have time to reflect. This also gives time for my nervous system to go back to its original state should any dissociation have taken place.

I take my time because I'm cautious about not hurting the people I care about. This tip helps me every single time I find myself overwhelmed or angry.

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Views expressed by the author are their own