'Pyar Dosti Hain': A Never-Ending Debate Around Cross-Sex Friendships

Nikhil (name changed) and I became good friends during the COVID-19 lockdown. This was 2021. We knew each other since Journalism school but developed a close and strong bond during the difficult times. Partly because we were both lonely and needed a close friend, and partly because we both enjoyed each other's company.

Over time, the friendship turned into attraction, later into romantic feelings, mostly from my side. We did have a brief intimate encounter, which led us to accept that anything more than a beautiful friendship is a 'bad idea'. This friendship day, thinking about this incident, reminded me of the ever-existing question, Can men and women be 'just friends'? The debate goes on and on...with everybody having a different take on the notion. 

Can Men And Women Be Just Friends?

Based on research from 2003 conducted by Heidi Reeder, a communications professor at Boise State University, it is likely that a romantic or physical attraction is experienced by at least one, if not both, of the individuals within the friendship.

I, for once, would like to agree with the statement, but with that also comes the terms & conditions. The development of romantic or sexual attraction in a platonic friendship from either side depends majorly on the bond shared by the two friends. 

Ishika, 24, shares that she has shared a strong bond of friendship with several men in her life, starting from her classmates in school to colleagues at her workplace. She shares, 'I am the living example of how a guy and a girl can co-exist without having any romantic expectations.' She further clears that she is in a romantic relationship and so are her friends.

Regarded by some as a significant philosophical dilemma in contemporary times, numerous studies conducted over the past decade present an alternative perspective on the feasibility of such friendships. A study published in Scientific American highlights how maintaining platonic relationships with the other gender is good for health and helps you survive tough times without much obligations. 

Attraction' Always Exist

If one day, you wake up, and find them flirting with you after they are quite drunk, RUN. It's not 'just' a friendship anymore. I remember, on a quiet, pleasant evening in September 2021, I returned home, washed my face, took to my bed, put a little music on, and then, yelled into my pillow till my lungs gave out. Let's rewind a little. That day, I had returned from a coffee with 'THE' friend, and I knew 10 minutes into the conversation with him that I have f***ed up. I moved to Delhi soon after.

Conducted in 2012, Bleske-Rechek and her research team surveyed 88 pairs of college-aged friends of the opposite sex regarding their friendships. The findings indicated that among young women and individuals in the older age bracket of both genders, a higher level of attraction to their closest friend was linked to lower satisfaction in their romantic relationship. It further suggests that the ability of men and women to maintain purely platonic relationships, even without engaging in sexual activity, is quite impossible.

Aakash Arora, graphic designer, speaking on the subject, said, 'I personally believe men and women can never share a platonic bond.' Men, he believes, are more likely to develop a sexual attraction towards their female friends.

Balancing A Romantic Relationship & Platonic Friendship

I am currently in a romantic relationship and have a few male friends. Though, of them all, I call none my 'best friend'. After having been through a roller-coaster of falling in love with my best friend, I believe that even though men and women can be friends, it is unlikely for them to be 'best friends' or so to say.

A 'best friend' of the other gender is always seen as a threat to the romance persisting between the two. A lot of it comes from the emotion, where you expect your partner to reach out to you and communicate with you even on days when you are the one they are trying to run away from. 

Despite what we say or believe, studies have been divided fifty-fifty so as the general opinion. For decades now, this debate has been a driving force behind the romantic comedy genre biggest examples being Ross & Rachel, Monica & Chandler, Lucky & Sanjana from Main Hoon Na, and our all-time favourite, Rahul & Anjali from Kuch Kuch Hota Hain. This debate shall go on for the years to come, after all, Pyaar Dosti Hai, right?

Suggested Reading: Exploring Friendships Through Fandoms: Power Of Shared Passions