As far as social media platforms go, Reddit is the holy land for anonymity. Under anonymous user IDs, people take to Reddit to ask if they're the asshole in certain situations, to discuss their favourite/hated shows online, and to ask their deepest darkest questions online. Love it or hate it, Reddit's appeal comes through anonymity- no one really knows who's on the other side.
In a Reddit post, user SlenderBacon449 asked the men of Reddit what questions they've always wanted to ask women, but couldn't because they felt it would look/sound weird. The post which went viral- received a ton of replies.
Questions That Men Seek Answers For
Some of the questions were parents asking women for guidance with their children, others asked whether girls were the first to initiate 'the first kiss'. Most of the questions presumably by men- indicated an utter lack of sex education that men had. The questions ranged from funny to sad, from bizarre to enlightening.
Men of Reddit, what are some questions you’ve always wanted to ask women, but couldn’t because it would seem weird?
by u/SlenderBacon449 in AskReddit
The Reddit Post
The viral Reddit post from 1 year ago had many questions in its replies. Some of the questions were funny, some were sad, and some were very telling about the lack of information men have about women's bodies. One of the questions, by u/Player_Number3, asked, "What kind of common behaviour makes men seem creepy or unattractive?"
by u/Player_Number3 from discussion Men of Reddit, what are some questions you’ve always wanted to ask women, but couldn’t because it would seem weird?
This question in particular got many replies, with many answers informing men about the seemingly meaningless things they do that ring alarm bells for women. The replies were varied, but many of them circled back to the same thing- the utter lack of respect many men have for a woman's personal space.
by u/Date_me_nadia from discussion Men of Reddit, what are some questions you’ve always wanted to ask women, but couldn’t because it would seem weird?
Many answers also pointed out excessive compliments as being a red flag for them.
by u/ItsCatwoman from discussion Men of Reddit, what are some questions you’ve always wanted to ask women, but couldn’t because it would seem weird?
One answer was really interesting. Made by u/P0L4RP4ND4/, it highlighted the tendency of certain men to be self-deprecating in front of women to win brownie points.
by u/P0L4RP4ND4 from discussion Men of Reddit, what are some questions you’ve always wanted to ask women, but couldn’t because it would seem weird?
All the replies were united in one thing- they pointed out how men don't often consider the way they're coming off to the people they're with, leading to these situations where they're actively making women uncomfortable without considering how she might feel about it.
Asking Women Their Opinion Offline
In person, when asked the question "What common behaviour makes men seem creepy or unattractive?", women had similar answers. In addition to what was said on the Reddit post, Ananya* stated that one unassuming behaviour many men exhibited that she found creepy was being rude to waitstaff/shopkeepers. "There are so many things men do that I can't even begin to name what I find creepy," she said. "But one thing that definitely rings my alarm bells is when they're not being kind to strangers or waiters, shopkeepers, people who do things for them."
In addition to the ancient habit of men- talking over others- Ananya* also spoke about finding the lack of awareness many men have in regards to how the patriarchy benefits them unattractive. "Men talk about driving around Delhi at night in a positive way so much, and if a woman says anything contrary to his experience, they'll get mad. I think it's more about men not being empathetic towards different experiences that are unattractive to me."
Women's answers- both offline and online- highlighted how there's a massive difference in the way men and women tackle social interactions. In many cases, men don't even realize what they're doing can be considered creepy to women, but a lack of awareness about how their behaviour comes off to others doesn't excuse the behaviour itself. If we want to take steps forward, not back, we've got to be able to understand each other- and that comes with men educating themselves and learning to be better.
*Name changed for anonymity.
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