Owning My Narrative: Ektara Maheshwari, Woman Of Trans Experience

As a child, Ektara Maheshwari not just faced bullying but also grew up in an environment which was not accepting of change. The stereotypes didn't make it easy either. For her to come out was also an extension of letting go in more ways than one; letting go of various stereotypes society put around her.

Living a life on her terms now surely feels liberating for Ektara, who decided to transition at 25 with HRT and laser and at 26, got her sex reassignment surgery done.

In this conversation with SheThePeople this pride month, Ektara Maheshwari talks about being a woman with a Transgender experience, the stigma around gender dysphoria, how her father's backing made her journey easier, and why owning one's narrative feels most liberating.

Ektara Maheshwari Interview

What was it like growing up in such a society at a time when you were going through your own turmoil?

Every day was a battle, and some days still are. Either way, you win some you lose some. To be constantly told how to sit, speak, talk, what to like, what to wear, how to be which is exactly opposite of how you feel on the inside takes a toll so bad and as a very young child, I went into a survival mode not knowing why was I not 'normal' according to the society.

My insides didn't match my outside reality.

The stigma around gender dysphoria is still at its peak in major sections of society. How did you really come to terms with your own identity? 

I was about five when I started believing that I was a girl just like my elder sister but couldn't understand why was I denied the things that my sister was allowed. I thought I'd grow up and everything will be fine. Magic world, haha. At 25, I finally came to terms with who I am after extensive research and taking multiple therapies from different mental health professionals. I was watching a show called POSE, where I was presented with a woman of trans experience and a man who was gay. All my life I thought it was about who I was attracted to that defined who I am but this time my belief was challenged, for good.

How did you come out to your family and what was their reaction?

I was numb the day I came out. I had cried so much and was operating from a space of Que Sera Sera (What will be, will be). I thought they would throw me out of the house but my father said, 'We will now think we have two daughters' and that I don't have to worry about anything. My mother took a little more time but she got around too.

I thought they would throw me out of the house but my father said, 'We will now think we have two daughters' and that I don't have to worry about anything.

What was that one factor that impacted your growth and journey into owning your identity irrespective of the norm?  

Just this - They won't tell me who I am, I am going to tell them who I am. Women of Trans experience, when they take control of their lives in their own hands, they speak their own narrative, they take the centre stage, they rule the world and that's what I want to do - dominate.

They won't tell me who I am, I am going to tell them who I am.

Your story, too, shows how most people do not comprehend the challenges anyone dealing with a transition around gender identity goes through. What would you say to the naysayers? 

Only because your friend isn't having a headache doesn't mean that your headache doesn't matter. Stop telling people how to feel, allow them to express how they feel. Listen, change, adapt. Even if they don't, there's nothing much they can do anyway. A lot of people told me not to do it, I still did it. Nature has no problem, the surgeons have no problem, I have no problem, and you shouldn't too.

Ektara Maheshwari, a woman of Transgender Experience

What would you advise those kids or adults who face challenges like you did?

I was once denied access to a home because of who I was. The landlord is a cisgender man. I got on his nerves, asked him uncomfortable questions, recorded the conversation and he had to give the house to me. We aren't bending in front of nature how are we going to bend in front of society? Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself but always be mindful of your surroundings and your safety. It becomes tough but, you will find ways to sail through the tough waters. Find more friends from the queer community, you will feel heard, understood and loved.

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