Let me guess, you were in a relationship, you were perfectly happy and then poof! It ended. No matter how much you try to move on, like a stuck record on repeat, you are left with one agonizing question: why didn’t it work out? Sometimes, people can be good people individually, but when brought together, they don’t add up to greatness. Take a look at some of the reasons as to why this may be!
People change: Sad but true. Sometimes, people grow differently. The things that used to matter to them become irrelevant, and new things become more important. The thing is, as much as we try to grow with someone, growth is an individual process. In an ideal world and relationship, you find someone that can grow with you. And, even in those cases, there might be times where you are not on the same page because their personal growth may happen at different times from yours. I guess, when it is the right relationship, the key is to grow without growing apart.
Initial attraction vs. long-term needs: I hate to break it to you guys, but the things that we lust over are not the core factors that make you want to settle down with the person. Don’t get me wrong. Passion is extremely important. You don’t have to settle for a relationship without it. However, sometimes, the things you find attractive initially become unappealing. The reason this happens is that sometimes, they don’t align with the kind of love or partner you want in the long run. Take, for example, the bad boy that always has something smart to say and doesn’t have a care in the world. Later on, this might get annoying because do you really want to end up with someone who doesn’t care about you? Or, the super attractive girl who cares an abnormal amount about the way she looks and demands you treat her with admiration and constant attention. Eventually, this attraction may die down because while you may want the attractive woman, everything is always about her. When will it about you, or your future kids?
There is no ego in us: Your partner is your friend and your confidant. If they are not, then in this day and age, why even bother committing? Sometimes, people find it hard to put their ego down and just apologize. They find it difficult to try and understand their significant other’s perspective. What people need to realize is that if you want the person to stay by your side, then you need to help them work with you. By not doing so, you are stopping yourself from having an actual partner.
At the end of the day, some people just don’t go well together. They find it hard to understand the other person because they are just different people. You need to let yourself find peace with that. There is a reason that it did not work out, and it’s probably because there is someone more suited for you out there.
The key is to never stop believing and to be grateful that you at least had something resembling what you eventually seek.
Riddle me this, if you have never seen glimpses of the love you truly want, when you finally find it, how will you recognize it?
Picture credit: Bustle
Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert & Millennial Author of the book Love, Lust & Lemons. This chapter is an excerpt from Shahzeen Shivdasani’s book Love, lust & lemons.