The Toilet Seat: New Book Sets Out To Dispel Myths Around Female Orgasm

Many people have written about sex. In fact, I have read quite a few books on the subject. These books either talk about the physical act of sex or they deal with sex through a physiological, philosophical or psychological lens. I would encourage you to first read books of the latter kind, as it is not possible to enjoy lasting pleasure without understanding the real depth of the emotions connected with sex. It is time to get sex out of the closet. Though sex is considered a 'dirty' word in Indian society, the indispensable role it plays in our lives cannot be denied. The Toilet Seat takes a good look at how sex is perceived and portrayed in society, the social stigma attached to sex, especially the premarital and extramarital kind, and the perversions that suppression of sex can cause.

The book reflects upon the grey areas in relationships, the hypocrisy of people and the so-called values that bind people in a knot, redefines perceptions, and dispels myths with respect to love, sex and the female orgasm. It also gives valuable suggestions to improve relationships by understanding the sexual needs of partners and talking about them openly. Well, what does the title of the book The Toilet Seat have to do with all this? Read on to find out.

Here's an excerpt from Latha's The Toilet Seat 

So, what is it that I am trying to do here in this book? I am just trying to examine and understand sex in a very straightforward way, and I am basing my analysis on what I have perceived through my experiences, observed in my surroundings and heard of from others. In my opinion, simple, basic things like love and sex have been clothed in unnecessary complexities, creating havoc in our lives and society.

Like most of us, I too grew up in a family where sex was never discussed. I have never seen any physical intimacy between my mother and father, or any of the married couples among my relatives, neighbours or friends. Incidentally, my first brush with sex coincided with the first movie I ever watched in my life. An uncle from my neighbourhood, older than my father, took his youngest son (who was ten years old), my brother (who was nine) and me (eight years old) to a Tamil movie about Lord Murugan (a deity worshipped mostly by Tamilians, and fondly called Thamizh Kadavul).

During the interval, I felt like peeing. Uncle, however, made me wait until the movie resumed playing after the interval and then took me to the men’s toilet. Once I finished, he pulled out his penis and asked me to hold it tightly for a while. I could not think straight; I did not know how to respond. I just obediently did what he asked me to do and then came out of the men’s toilet. From what I can remember about it now, although I felt awkward about what had happened, I was not actually bothered by it. However, I stopped going to this uncle’s house after that.

Then there was another incident, involving another neighbour who was studying in a law college and was living alone. My brother and I used to call him anna (brother). One day, he fell ill and my parents gave me some food to deliver to him. When I went to his room, anna pulled me on to his bed forcefully. Then, despite my protests, he squeezed my tiny breasts so hard that they started hurting. He held my palm tight around his penis and pulled it up, down, up, down. The sticky liquid that rushed out onto my palm from his penis that day still stinks in my memory.

I am not going to narrate every single incident of molestation that I went through at an age when I had not even heard the word ‘sex’. As I grew up, I started to understand that children of both sexes and women of all ages (from little babies to the old and withered) are subjected to molestation, rape and torture not just at the hands of strangers, but also by people who are respected at large and who have a good reputation in society.

As for me, I experienced a major heartbreak at the age of fourteen when I had to go through the same horror with my father. This time, the abuse went on for almost two years until I ran away from home, only to be brought back the same evening and beaten up.

Much later, I noticed an irony in all these incidents (and I hope you noticed it too). Someone who was clearly quite religious and god-fearing took me to watch a movie about a deity and then did something dirty to me. A person whom I addressed as anna, forcefully used my hands to ejaculate, even though we’ve all been told from childhood that a brother is someone who is protective of us and whom we must always respect. And lastly, my father, the man who was the reason for my very existence on earth, who was supposed to protect me at all times, did filthy things to me.

Even now, I find people coming to me for sex, citing so many reasons. But I find most of their reasons very stupid, mainly because their true intentions are very clear—they simply want a ‘yes’ from me, an agreement that I will sleep with them.

Many of these men approach me under the pretext of ‘love’. Some of them say that they don’t enjoy sex with their wives, either because their wives are not interested in sex or because they don’t get along well with them. While I call the former hypocrites, the latter clearly puzzle me. Are women supposed to take pity on these ‘deprived’ men and have sex with them as an act of charity? It also surprises me that while a man’s ego does not allow him to accept a ‘no’ from a woman, in trying to save his ego, he does not seem to mind losing his self-respect.

Very rarely do I come across men who tell me directly, and in as many words, that they would like to have sex with me. Irrespective of whether I accept the invitation or not, I would, and certainly do, appreciate these men for their straightforwardness.

A few of my male friends have told me that there are some women who are like the men I have talked about in the previous paragraphs. I guess that is true. The urge and the desperation to have sex are equal in both genders. I have read newspaper articles about the molestation of teenage boys by women, the so-called ‘aunties’, who are considered to be good neighbours or caring relatives.

But, because I am a woman and because this book is a result of my experiences, it may seem like I am blaming the other gender. That, however, is not my intention. My intention is to analyse the causes and effects of maintaining secrecy around sex, of looking at it as a taboo topic to discuss and of regarding premarital sex as a sin.

I’ve always wondered what we are boasting about when we talk of our ‘rich culture’. We talk about monogamy, we talk about family values, we talk a lot about the sentiments of fathers and mothers, and we talk endlessly about the countless gods in our pantheon. But a culture can be appreciated only when there is harmony and mutual respect for fellow human beings. And family values? In most instances, the members of a family don’t seem to be bothered about each other’s welfare. In the name of family and values, most people seem to live a hypocritical life. If what we boast about is really true, then why is there so much desperation, and the resultant perversion, among people seeking sex? Where is the problem? Clearly, this is a deep-rooted issue which needs to be sorted out urgently.

Before I get on with the main chapters of this book, I would like to make it very clear that whatever has been written in the pages ahead does not in any way single out an individual or a particular gender. This book is based on the people I have met, the men and the women I have come across in my life. And while I am not saying that there are no exceptions, I am also saying that there is no rule either.

However, the fact remains that ours is a male-dominated society and women have been the suppressed lot for many generations. Despite this truth, as far as possible, I have tried to analyse everything from the perspective of both genders, and I request you to read this book without any bias towards any particular gender.

Why This Title?

You may wonder why this book is called The Toilet Seat and what exactly does a toilet seat have to do with sex? Well, you will discover this connection as you make your way through the book.

Extracted with permission from Latha's The Toilet Seat; published by HarperCollins India.