Everyday Advice On How To Meander Grief-laden Experiences

26 November, 2021 marks the 13 anniversary of the 2008 attacks that resulted in the death of Kia’s husband and daughter, among 173 other casualties. An excerpt from the book Forgiveness is A choice by Kia Scherr.

‘Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.’—John De Paola’

When life took an unexpected turn, I found myself moving in slow motion. Nothing about my life would ever be the same. Slowing down became a gift, and I realized the value of not pushing to get things done. Almost everything can wait. We miss so much detail when we rush through our day. To intentionally slow down is a powerful choice. It is the first step to masterful living. There are many situations we cannot control. We cannot turn back time to change an event, but we can create the most positive outcomes when we take the time to be fully present. We need to pay attention. After the Mumbai terrorist attack, I had a lot of time for reflection. I knew who I was in relation to my roles as wife and mother. I am still a mother, but my sons are now grown and no longer live with me. Who am I now? I had to slow down and find out.

What will you learn about yourself when you slow down? This is worth exploring.

How to begin? Just stop for a moment and be still. Look around you wherever you are. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What time of day is it?

Before you rush off to start your activity of the day, just be till for a moment or two.

What thoughts arise? How do you feel? What needs to get done today? What do you want to do today? What is required of you to do your best, be your best and succeed in your responsibilities?

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You have a whole day before you waiting to come to life with you in it. How will you be? Just being alive in this moment is worth a smile. Take a long, deep breath and allow yourself to relax. Relax for a moment and let your thoughts settle down as you breathe slowly. A relaxed mind will bring clarity of thinking and creative inspiration.

I enjoy slowing down in busy places like Mumbai. There is so much bustling, and everyone is moving fast. Cars are crawling along at a slow pace because of all the traffic. In Mumbai I especially like sitting in a black and yellow cab with all the noisy honking and crowds of people packing every open space on the pavement. I love the contrast of the busy crowds and the slow traffic. I saw a lot of big, beautiful smiles, children playing games, people selling flowers, chai, delicious food and colourful scarves. The city was moving fast, but I was slowed down and was able to watch and enjoy one of the most vibrant cultures in the world.

When I took the time to slow down every day, I learnt to speak less and listen more. Slowing down allows for experiences such as joy to flow into our lives. Joy bubbles up from within when we take the time to notice it. Otherwise, there is no time for joy if we stomp over it in our rush to get on with our day. Slowing down will bring forth surprising experiences that are missed when you are moving too fast to notice.

Here are the statements of intention I used to remind myself to slow down. To speak or write out your intention will empower the experience you choose to have. Repeat these statements aloud or silently to yourself with long slow breaths. Pause for a few seconds between each statement in order for it to settle into your awareness.

• Today, I am willing to relax and let go.
• I am enjoying a slower pace in my thoughts, words and actions.
• I allow everything to unfold perfectly in its own time.
• As I slow down, I open myself to a more fulfilling experience of life.
• I am grateful for the life I am living as I slow down to fully experience this moment.

At the end of the day, it is helpful to take some time to reflect upon how slowing down made a difference in your experience today.

How often were you able to slow down and take your time without rushing?

Were you able to make some quiet time for yourself for at least ten to fifteen minutes? What insights did you gain?

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What did you notice about your surroundings when you slowed down?

What did you notice about your interactions with friends and family when you slowed down?

Did anything catch your attention that you would have missed if you did not slow down?

Excerpted with permission from Forgiveness is A choice by Kia Scherr published by PenguinRandom House.

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