Women often have a tendency to drown themselves in the ocean of guilt, rather than forgive and let go of our shortcomings. We love to burden our conscience and heart with guilt for everything from missing out on our child’s play date, to not living up to the high standards set for us by the society. But why is it so hard for women to forgive themselves?
We are too harsh on ourselves.
Think about the new mom who just could not get anything right. Someone who was sitting at home, gaining more pounds with every breath. Feeling guilty for choosing to take some time for herself, over cleaning the house, over eating out once in a while, because the post pregnancy weight. We have all been through that right.
The guilt which eats us from within stems more from a sense of failure, than any offence or immoral action or thought.
Women set high standards for themselves. So the chances of jumping over them and landing on our face are equally high.
Dealing with the weight of guilt
Guilt my friend, is extremely heavy. No, I am not talking about all the pounds you pile from eating ice cream or cakes. This weight crushes all the happiness in your mind. So obviously we try to take it off our chest by overcompensation.
We commit to cooking an elaborate feast on Sunday, because we could not give much time to the family, due to a hectic week at work. We sacrifice our hobbies so that to please people around us. But somehow, this overcompensation does not make us happy. Why? Because it is not the correct solution.
The real deal is to learn to forgive yourself. To set the bar a little lower, if it is hurting your ankles, every time you try to jump over it. To accept and give yourself a margin of error.
Learning to forgive, and forget
The only person who has the power of forgiving and relieving you of your guilt is, you. It is tough to accept that we aren’t superwoman.
The realisation that my husband was more concerned with me being happy, than the house being neat, or the meals being warm when he came home, did the trick.
What made me happy? Writing in my free time, while my baby slept, above anything else in the world. So when I stopped worrying about tidying the house, I finished writing my book, and felt happy. I made the choice of being happy above being the perfect ideal woman.
When you go to sleep just simply delete all the incidence which fill your head with guilt, and you will indeed sleep better.
This is a better and healthier way of getting rid of the guilt, than scarfing the chocolate bar.
So my house is still not very tidy. I am still struggling with weight issues. But I don’t beat myself up on the counts of neglect or indulgence. And I simply do not care what standards others have set for me.
Also Read : Super Mom Syndrome: It’s just a Misnomer
Yamini Pustake Bhalerao is a writer with the SheThePeople team, in the Opinions section. The views expressed are author’s own.