Love Is Messy, Beyond The Fluff And The Lies Sold On Valentine’s Day

Hate to burst your bubble, but men will disappoint, disappear, or unintentionally undermine you if you fall too deeply in love. They may start to depend on your kindness, empathy, and healing ability while secretly exploring other options on dating apps. Meanwhile, you might find yourself sitting beside him, dreaming of a life across the river, where flowers bloom freely, and rain serenades you each night in his arms. 

Beyond Flowers, Chocolates, and Candle-lit Dinners

Women are dreamers. They often imagine those strong muscles lifting them when danger looms, but perhaps there's no external threat—only someone in your bed seeking your soul to soothe his own insecurities.

I know a Ms Wilson, who keeps her door open, hoping he would come back to her, while only a stray cat she feeds each day offers her comfort.

I also know a Mrs Das, who despises her husband of twenty years, who sleeps beside her without care, yet they still go out for Valentine’s Day dinner, passing Ms Wilson’s home. 

Mrs Das waves with a bunch of flowers, longing to evoke feelings of sadness or envy. Ms Wilson quietly curses her while exchanging greetings with Mr Das—an embodiment of masculinity, each woman craving a bit of that energy.

It’s not ideal, but when unrest was widespread, married women felt a sense of security, while single women were more vulnerable to violence from men they knew. Still, women often yearn for love from the wrong men. If he chooses her, she must be of high quality.

But the truth is, a man truly worth loving has faced deep grief, been broken beyond words, yet has preserved his dignity and compassion. That’s the kind of man who can bring warmth during lonely evenings when everything feels overwhelming. He looks beyond superficial flaws and kisses away insecurities because he’s been there too.

Brokenness can lead to a celebration of the simple, mundane moments. He will be present in your small joys with a generous heart that every human deserves. We long for the one pair of eyes that sees your victories and your tears, even those kept hidden or shed outside in the rain to hide your pain. But I promise that kind of understanding won't come from just anyone you sleep beside.

Remembering my own tears-stained pillow, I realise no one noticed. 

Wishing everyone a day of gentle discovery—because love isn’t just meant to be celebrated once a year. It’s something to cherish every day—in the ordinary, in the unnoticed. It’s in these simple moments that love and true home reside.

Love is also about responsibility and accountability. A coward cannot love you the way you deserve—to be truly seen, heard, and valued above all the noise and his own sense of entitlement. 

Choose the brave heart who has weathered many storms, yet still sets sail enthusiastically into the deep blue ocean. 

Mohua Chinappa is an author and poet. She runs two podcasts, The Mohua Show and The Literature Lounge.

Views expressed by the author are their own.