In South Asian Families, Love Is Served; Not Spoken

How we are today, the way we love, care, or even express affection, often traces back to the kind of parenting we received. And there’s something uniquely special about growing up in a South Asian household.

It’s waking up to the sound of news anchors debating at full volume, the smell of freshly brewed masala chai wafting from the kitchen, and the comforting chaos of parents fussing over whether you’ve eaten.

It’s love that doesn’t always come wrapped in hugs or soft words, but hides instead behind “padhai pe dhyan do” (focus on studies), behind a plate of sliced fruits placed near your books, or a proud smile masked by another comparison with Sharma ji’s son.

In these homes, love isn’t always spoken; it’s shown through gestures, sacrifices, and small acts of care that say everything words don’t.To understand how this silent love shapes us, I spoke to my friends about the subtle ways their parents show affection.

"My parents never say it, but I know they care deeply”

“South Asian parents have their own sweet way of showing love,” says Shagun, 21. “My parents are strict, especially my father, and rarely express affection. During my Class 10 boards, my mom brought me coffee and snacks late at night, and my dad woke me early to revise. They scolded me for not studying enough, yet their actions showed how much they cared. Fathers may not say ‘I love you,’ but their small gestures, checking when we’re sick or surprising us with what we wanted, say it all.”

“He never said much, but he showed what love truly means.”

“I was in Class 9 when COVID hit,” says Bhumi, 20. “Those were tough days, my dad’s work wasn’t going well, and we were struggling financially. One night, I fell sick, and while everyone panicked, my dad quietly picked me up and took me to the hospital. That same day, he turned down a big work order, saying, ‘Kaam baad mein ho jaayega, pehle meri beti theek ho jaaye’(Work can wait, my daughter should get well first). He’s not the type to say ‘I love you,’ but that moment said it all. His love was in his actions, not his words.”

“They never said they were proud, but I always felt their love.”

“My parents often scolded me for not scoring well in my NEET mocks,” says Shashank, 22. “But during winters, whenever I fell asleep while studying, I’d wake up covered with a blanket and the lights off. They never said ‘I love you,’ but their actions spoke louder. Getting into a government medical college wasn’t easy; it took me two attempts. I didn’t give up because my parents taught me to see failure as a lesson, not a reason to quit. Their quiet support is what kept me going.”

“Desi parents don’t say it, they show it.”

“They’ll never say, ‘Beta, I’m proud of you,’ but they’ll brag about me to every relative,” says Ishan, 21. “My mom’s love shows up as an overfilled tiffin, asking if I’ve eaten five times a day, and sending endless home remedies on WhatsApp. My dad acts all serious, but he’ll quietly recharge my phone or fix my bike before I wake up. They can be strict, always wanting to know where I’m going, but deep down, that’s their way of saying, ‘You matter to us.’ Desi parents don’t do hugs; their love is in their actions.”

“Their love hides behind scoldings and simple questions.”

“In reality, parents want us to chase every dream we’ve ever had,” says Deepak, 20. “But the fear of seeing us hurt makes them hold on tighter. No matter how grown we get, they still care like we’re kids. Their love isn’t in hugs, it’s in that one question after every argument: ‘Khaana khaya?’ (Did you eat?) For over 20 years, I’ve never seen my dad skip asking that, no matter how upset he was. That’s his way of saying he cares.”

The Unspoken Language of Love

Each story reflects a common truth: South Asian parents might not use words to express affection, but their love runs deep in every small act of care. It’s in the food packed for long days, in the chai waiting on the table, and in the sacrifices made quietly behind the scenes. Maybe that’s the beauty of growing up in our homes where love isn’t loud, but it’s always there. In every scolding that hides concern, in every unspoken gesture, we find a love that doesn’t need words to be understood.

Views expressed by the author are their own.