The definition of modern dating and romance will be incomplete without the mention of DMs that form an integral part of our courtship routine. DMs is the first step to start interacting with a person and thereafter, the possibilities are endless. This also means numerous romantic relationships fail to flourish because two people are unable to communicate well on DMs.
To a seasoned person, the task might not seem that hard, but sliding into someone’s DMs is a skill that requires patience, wit, courtesy and respect in equal measure. One misstep and you’ll be blocked. No further chances to explain that dad joke you made, or why you thought it was okay to ask for ” phone number on day two of your chatting on Insta.
But since dating and courtship isn’t a part of our curriculum, either at school or at homes, many boys feel clueless about what is appropriate DM behaviour and what isn’t. Well worry not, because we are here to help.
Here are 32 common DM mistakes that most men make.
A lot of them are borderline criminal behaviour, mind you, all the more reason for guys to pay attention.
1. Using photographs to invade someone’s privacy in DMs
This has become a trend on social media. Certainly, you are free to express yourself on social media; however, violating someone’s privacy by criticising them in nasty and intimate ways is not. Some people modify the photos, while others make memes out of them and send them to their friends in DMs as a joke. It’s neither cool nor humorous.
Suggested Reading: Are You Okay With Guys Not Deleting Your Private Picture From DMs?
2. Directly requesting friendship via DMs
‘Hye deer, wil u b frands?’ every girl I know has received such messages from unknown men, and let me tell you clearly, the only feeling we get from this DM is being creeped out. What is it that makes you send so many ‘Hi Dear’ messages? How did I become your dear when w haven’t even met, seen each other or chatted?
3. DMs sharing their own content, such as reels or posts, in order to gain views
No one is falling in love with your acting or dancing in reels, and no one is going to marry you based on how many likes or comments you get rather than what pushes you to do it. Besides, dating and promoting your content are two different things, if you mix them up, you’ll lose on both fronts.
4. One-liners in DMs are a total no-go
Instead of relying on the standard “hello sexy” or “is your father a terrorist, because you’re a bomb” lines, attempt to open up a discussion with the woman as you would do in person. Start with a greeting and a non-offensive complement if necessary.
5. Stop texting her “GM” or “GN” everyday
Such texts merely demonstrate desperation; sending her a daily “good morning, sweetheart” message is so uncool and you will never receive a response because she already knows it’s a copy-paste message you send to every girl.
6. You need to put in more effort than “What’s up”
“Hello there, How are you doing?/Hey, what’s up? “ain’t cool either. She is not your colleague. Neither is she your fiance. So guys need to understand that their messages need to convert an intent of courtship clearly.
7. Don’t make it a chase
You send her an Instagram message, and the next thing you know, you’re in her LinkedIn inbox. What makes you believe she’ll respond on Facebook if she hasn’t responded on Twitter? Keep your DM slide tricks to just one platform. Stick to one platform unless you’ve been invited; no one enjoys being stalked online.
8. Don’t try to be her therapist
Dms like , “ You have nice eyes, Do you understand why I texted this to you? Because there’s some type of misery or pain lurking behind your eyes, and the best part is that no one else can see it but me” and “ If you don’t react, I believe you’re going through a lot of heartbreak. Let me help you move out” are creepy not cool. Why do you think it’s cool to give unpaid therapy on DMs?.
9. DMs are not for opinion
She let you in her DM to talk about life, life, work and even entertainment. She doesn’t need your opinion on politics, what she wears, gender equality, unless she specifically asked for it. So don’t bother her with hot takes on trending issues, unless you want to be blocked before your morning coffee.
10. Unsolicited d**k pictures are a big no-no
And by that, I mean no d**k moves like sending an unsolicited photo to a female or graphic descriptions of your genitalia. The only thing worse than sending a d**k image is sending two. And, if you don’t want to be blocked then avoiding such actions is a must! It doesn’t make you cool, nor does flashing a woman on the internet make you more “manly”.
11. DMs asking for “bob/vagina” pics
When you enter someone’s DMs, the initial message you send is crucial. Never send a sexually explicit message as a conversation starter. Seriously, nearly no one likes a stranger demanding pictures of their body parts as if it is their birthright.
12. Too much detailing could be terrifying
Say you saw this woman at a college fest, felt attracted and reached out to her on social media. She accepts your request, you tell her that you knew her. She asks how? You tell her where you saw her, what she was wearing, who she was standing next to, when did she arrive or leave and then she proceeds to block you. why? Because going into too many details makes you come across as a stalker. No one wants to date a stalker.
Suggested Reading: Seven Things Every Guy Should Know And Follow About Correct DM Hygiene
13. Not knowing when to exit a DM
Please send only one message. After that, you can send one more message before walking away and leaving it. “Don’t keep conversing with yourself in her DMs.”
14. DMs where they can’t stop telling you how wonderful you are.
If you think you become cool by doing this, then please know that women already know that this person doesn’t see me for who I am. I am a projection of some idealised vision they have in their head, and they’re tough to console when I defy those expectations by being a normal, flawed, breathing human being.
15. DMs where you rush a new relationship forward too quickly.
DMs where men jump to new relationships from two-day-old friendships scare women. We need time to know whether you are worth all the effort we will be putting into a relationship. Two days or a week are simply not enough. So ease on the pressure to “define” a relationship on day two of knowing each other.
16. Texting about how all your ex-girlfriends are “crazy.”
Some relationships end so terribly that we’re still bitter about an ex two years later—but if you spew venom at any and all of your “crazy” past loves whenever you have the chance, it’s a solid indication that the problem is not with them. Not only is it an indicator of how you handle failure in a relationship, but it’s also uncool.
17. DMs which tell women they are not like other girls
“You’re cool. You’re not like other girls.” The term is troublesome for a variety of reasons. Compliments usually make us feel better because they make the person receiving them feel important. Not being like other girls isn’t as good a compliment as it might sound. And it makes you come across as a sexist who has stereotypical ideas about all womankind.
18. DMs requesting follow back
DMing someone to request a follow back only demonstrates how uncool and unaware of social media culture you are. This is when you should pause and consider whether this is the only approach to increasing your followers.
19. DMs to engage in awkward games
Everyone dislikes these types of games, especially in the initial chat, so don’t DM a woman to join you for a live session of a game you love, or which will earn you a free recharge voucher. Have the courtesy to ask her if she is into online games, and what kind, if she is indeed interested.
20. DMs at two in the morning with the classic yet cringy “U up?
Always maintain a gentlemanly demeanour and a sense of dignity. Don’t be the guy that texts people at 2 am with the dreaded “u up?” slide. A lady understands that if you don’t sleep on the same schedule as them, you’re already a no-show.
21. Replying to her story with a little fire emoji or a smirky face.
You might think that responding with a smirk face or a fire emoji is cool, but trust me, it isn’t. Responding with emojis is basic and uncreative. If you want to let a woman know that you find her interesting, make an effort to ask questions. If they tell you about a wonderful hike, for example, don’t be scared to inquire where it is because it looks amazing!
22. DMs asking for a date on first chat
Confidence is good, but don’t rush things up: schedule an in-person meeting once you’re both comfortable with each other. If you begin talking about your first date during your first conversation with a girl, she might think you are desperate.
23 . Sending multiple DMs
When DMing a woman on Instagram, keep in mind that sending many messages and being borderline spammy is unpleasant and desperate. Give her time to respond to your one text, instead of bombarding her with questions and your thoughts.
24. DMs where they get stung over rejection.
If she says she’s not interested, accept it gracefully and never be bitter. There’s nothing more impolite and uncool than being stung by rejection and venting your frustrations on someone else… especially via a DM!
Suggested Reading: Stalking In DMs: Here’s How To Identify Creeps In Your Dating Pool
25. Direct messages flooded with internet jargon such as “wat, ya, how r u?”
If you’ve spent more than a day on a dating app, you’ve definitely heard phrases like “please know the difference between your and you’re.” When you’re first meeting someone, it’s crucial to follow their lead and let their personality steer the conversation. Don’t overlook the importance of spelling and grammar in making a good first impression.
26. DMs where they take a cursory approach
It’s not just risky to start a new relationship on superficiality; it’s also unlikely to get a response. Words like “hot,” “beautiful,” and “sexy” are less appealing than “amazing” or “fascinating,” because they make a person seem only interested in a woman’s body, not her mind.
27. DMing a selfie to begin the conversation.
We get it, you think you are handsome. Other women might have told your so. But there is more to attraction than your biceps and six-pack or hair gelled to perfection. So no, women do not want your selfie as your opening DM, instead write a thoughtful test message.
28. Send a direct message to someone without first adding them.
Dropping a DM to someone without first adding them is one of the most beginner mistakes a guy can make, which is considered totally uncool.
29. Direct messages that appear to be from a stalker
No woman will respond to a text message from “badboy1453669” handle and a picture of Joker in their DP. The exercise to develop starts early and begins with your identity. She needs to see you as a potential date, not a stalker.
Suggested Reading: We Were Doing LOL and LOL in DMs. And Then We Met…
30. DMs that contain an unusually large amount of data at the same time
Too much information will make her think you’re a pain to work with or that you’re complicated. No woman wants to waste time with a new guy she’s just met. It’s fine if you have a crush on her, but you don’t need to tell her a thousand times. Short messages are more appealing and direct.
31. Dormant conversations in DMs are also uncool
So you’ve entered the DMs, and things aren’t going as planned. Let’s face it: things don’t always work out. Don’t keep talking to them merely to keep talking to them, and don’t waste time or energy on a conversation that isn’t going anywhere. If you are getting replies like “ok,” “yeah, or “hmm,” please acknowledge that this conversation is dead and you need to move on.
32. DMs demanding her political opinion first thing
Of course, you might know a lot about politics, but that doesn’t mean the person you’re seeing is interested in the same things. So it’s not cool to demand to know her political inclination at the onset of dating experience.