'Insatiable' Shobhaa Dé; On Her Book & What It Means To Have Choice

'I promise not to be three things--profound, pedantic and pretentious,' says Shobhaa Dé, as she begins her memoir. Dé, who is one of the country's most celebrated writers calls it like it is, and not many have this power. In another episode of SheThePeople's Sisterhood With Shaili, we bring Dé on board to talk about this very power and more. 

In conversation with SheThePeople, novelist and columnist Shobhaa Dé talks about her memoir Insatiable and how it represents a woman's desire to be free, to achieve everything that she wants in life, and to therefore remain insatiable.

During the conversation, Shobhaa Dé speaks about how women with a hunger for experience, beauty, newness, and adventure are labelled wicked. She says, 'I think irreverence is a better word.' Further elaborating, she says, 'Irreverence has defined my choices. I'm so glad that it has because there are too many people who are too afraid; they don't want to take chances with anything, any aspect of their lives or their creativity.'

Speaking about how women are fewer risk-takers and what plays a crucial role in determining that, Shobha explains, 'There are very few risk-takers and I can kind of get it because women are at risk regardless.' For women, she says irreverence is kind of a lifestyle; whether you say something or you choose to stay silent, anything and everything can be used against you. 'Irreverence is a proud choice that I made very early in my life,' she expresses.

'Choice' and How It Redefines An Individual's Life

Coming from a conservative, bureaucratic family, the novelist tells us about the choices she made and how she defines the word. Shobhaa Dé, speaking with the people, said, 'Choice is the most powerful word, especially for women.' Elaborating on it, she said, 'Choice empowers a person, no matter what the risks. Once you make a choice and take a tough decision, it makes you that much stronger. You may have to go through years of struggle and hardship, but you'll have your self-respect and there's no price for that.'

Dé explains how there are times when people make a certain choice because of their present circumstances; they are not making an independent choice. 'Sometimes, very difficult circumstances compel people to make a choice that is against their interests. Anyone in the world who is stripped of choice is really a slave to circumstances or slave to destiny.'

Every decision in life comes with a price tag, Dé said, expressing that what determines a person's life is how we take responsibility for our choices. There's nothing that comes with a free ride. 'So, I have never doubted my ability to cope regardless,' she said.

No World For Women?

SheThePeople asked the columnist her thoughts on how women pay a much larger price than men for their wrong decisions. 'We, as women, are always beating ourselves up. There is a great deal of guilt that is felt if you're doing something that is not validated by society and don't have a support system in place. I've never looked for validation,' Dé explained.

'It takes courage. Nothing in life can be achieved without putting yourself out there. You have to put yourself on the line, and then you have to take what comes. You cannot say, I'm going to do this; I don't care what it costs, and I want someone else to pay the price for that,' the novelist said during the interview.

Of Privilege And What It Entails

'Privilege is a loaded word. I don't know what is implied by that word. If it means that you come from a certain socio-economic background, where you don't have to worry about your next meal, then yeah, certainly, I am privileged. But I think so are the majority of our women,' explaining the meaning of privilege.

Speaking about how privilege is no guarantee for a woman's happiness, she says, 'A woman herself experiences a lot. I certainly have. It may not be the physical experience, but the emotional experience of 95% of women across the world, regardless of their socioeconomic privileges, is not all that good.'

'Insatiable' And The Journey Of Pleasure It Traverses

When asked about how her book explores the idea of pleasure and how, when it comes to women, there's a lot of guilt associated with it, Dé explains, 'Women feel they should articulate such emotion because there's so much guilt associated with pleasure. But pleasure is a very, very basic human desire, and it's also the ultimate luxury.' Defining pleasure, she says, 'If I'm able to enjoy something with the fullness of my palate, with my heart soaring, and I feel free to do it, that's a pleasure.' 

'For most women though, everything has a component that makes you think of how limited their lives can be because people deny them something as basic as pleasure, be it physical, emotional, or aesthetic. It's the mindset that a lot of women need to feel self-respect. That pleasure is not something that guilt-inducing.' Dé explained.

Starting a conversation around sexual pleasures for women, Dé explained that women are dying to share their stories even of their abuse. 'The taboo around sex and the conversation around it doesn't exist anymore,' she says.

'Women are now in fact seeking alternative ways of pleasure which is opening up a whole new world where women are more experimental and at ease talking about having multiple partners. Women are so comfortable in their sexuality today,' Dé said talking about the pleasures of the body for a lady.

Marriage & How Insatiable looks at it

Marriage as a concept and an institution cannot be rethought, Dé in her conversation with SheThePeople said. Elaborating on her point, she said, 'A lot of people, from every generation, are clamouring for something they can hang on to. Marriage provides a focal point in their lives.'

'Marriage provides a partner who is in sync with your psyche. Whether it be the way of living or the choice of conceiving children if you find a partner who is ready to be there at every turn, then it helps provide balance and dissipate confusion,' she explains. Marriage in today's environment is also a choice, providing women with confidence that it's easy to get out of a relationship if it's no longer meaningful.

Asked about the advice the novelist gave to her daughters who got married, she said, 'I asked them to think about commitment. Because if you are not committed to the idea of marriage, to the person, it will be difficult to saddle through the tough times. You can make it work if you are just committed enough.' 

The Columnist Gets Candid

When asked about how little changes have been spotted in her, Dé explains, 'Physically, there is nothing at all that has been interfered with. I do not believe in any kind of surgical intervention. I have no problems with my age. I think it's more about the kind of pressure that society builds up to keep looking hot even after having two kids.'

People think Dé has had everything served on a platter. Clearing those misconceptions, she says, 'I work very hard. I enjoy what I do. And I think that in itself is a beauty secret.' Mentioning retirement and how much she despises it, she says, 'The R-word is not a very pleasant word. Staying relevant generates stress. You just have to be open and receptive to newness, and new experiences, and choose that which interests you.' 

The Honest 'Insatiable' Shobhaa Dé

Honesty always comes with a price tag, as I'm sure most women will agree, says the novelist. 'It may sound cliché, but it is the only policy. I wouldn't know how to be another kind of person. If you're going to write and share your truth, that you may or may not be completely comfortable with, that you may not have come to terms with, but if you cannot put it out there, then don't bother.'

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