5 Questions You Need To Stop Asking Queer People

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Chances are that if you’re an out and proud queer individual, people will bombard you with questions. These questions usually showcase the confusion and misunderstanding that still surrounds the topic of queerness. So here is a list of questions that queer people are tired of hearing, and an explanation as to why they these questions are tiring.

1. How come you aren’t dating your queer friend?

The same reason you’re not dating every straight person of the opposite gender.

While questions along these lines aren’t inherently malicious they do display the ignorance and misconceptions surrounding queer love. Straight people don’t date every straight person they happen to be friends with, why would queer people? Contrary to popular belief, queer people will not fall in love with every queer person they interact with.

2. Who is the man/woman in your relationship?     

Ayushi* stated that she has been asked “Are you the girl or the boy during the relationship” multiple times. People have also repeatedly asked her whether she is “still gay”.

The best part about listening to homophobic comments is noticing that a lot of them are entrenched in misogyny. Questions like this show that homosexuality is only understood or accepted when seen through the lens of heterosexuality. The insistence that traditional gender roles must be followed for humanity to survive is unfounded and inaccurate.

3. How come you don’t look/act queer?

Saying “you don’t look/act queer” is not the compliment people think it is. These types of comments try to enforce stereotypes on people. There is no such thing as looking/acting queer, the same way there is no such thing as looking/acting straight. Everybody has their own sense of style and way of being and that has nothing to do with their sexuality.

4. Are you a bottom or a top?

Radha* said that she wants “people who ask invasive questions about sex, especially to lesbians and trans people” to stop.

Invading a person’s privacy is never okay. Asking such personal questions when you barely know the person makes them feel uncomfortable. Queerness shouldn’t be treated as a fetish and queer people are not required to answer such questions.

5. What does this word mean?

When Max* was asked what questions they were tired of hearing cisgender heterosexual people ask, they said they were exhausted with people asking them to explain what certain terms meant instead of looking it up on the internet. They stated that people “relied on them to explain everything”.

While education yourself is always a good idea, it is not the job of your queer friend to explain everything. Queer people are not dictionaries. The internet has several reliable sources and you can always ask your queer friend to guide you. But asking them to explain every term you come across will gets exhausting.

Queerness shouldn’t be treated as a fetish and queer people are not required to answer such questions.

*We have changed the to protect the identity of the mentioned people.

Watch, in this episode of Sisterhood with Shaili, transwoman Trinethra Haldar talk about how pop culture makes queer people look stereotypical.



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