Women Reflect On Realisation Of Marrying The Wrong Person

A viral online discussion where women tell what made them realise they married the wrong person and what they did after that.

Avishka Tandon
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When you are marrying the person that you have always wanted to, everything seems right and beautiful. Love can often make you neglect the red flags or even what you truly want but you realise it only after marrying the person. However, it is still not late to admit and communicate it and walk out of the marriage to pursue what you truly desire.

Marriage is an important decision of your life as it is not just about love but sharing your entire life and every aspect with a person. There are times when women are forced to marry, manipulated to create a certain view of a person or have a little doubt about the relationship. However, they neglect all these things and end up marrying the person. At times, women also decide to marry a person in a whim or without thinking it through, blinded by love. But after spending some time with them in their new life, they realise that this is not what they wanted. Things turn out to be completely different from what they seemed before marriage and now they are unhappy. What to do then?

The realisation that they married the wrong person is tough for a woman. They know that they are not happy in the marriage but they also cannot find a solution to fix it. Separation or divorce is condemned by the patriarchal society, fixing the person is not always possible and adjusting to the situation seems awful. A Reddit thread asked women, "How did you know you had married the wrong person? What did you do when you realised it?" and their responses can be an example to many women out there who are troubled because of marrying the wrong person.

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Women And Marriages


The question was asked by @AskWomen and the comments were filled with instances of how women dealt with the realisation that they married the wrong person. A Reddit user wrote, "As I walked down the aisle thinking "This is the biggest fucking mistake of my life". Pregnant at 19 I caved to family pressure to "do the right thing". I had a stillborn two weeks later. I left 18 months later, two days after he threw me down the stairs and choked me. I realised it was entirely possible he would kill me."

Pregnancy out of wedlock is scrutinised by society and is often unacceptable. Hence, women are then forced to marry a person they don't even know and this does not always turn out to be good. Domestic abuse crushes the soul of women but society's pressure does not let her walk out or speak against it.

Another comment read, "After we were married, I would lay in bed and keep wishing I could go home." It often happens that your married life is not the same as you expected. Sometimes there are things that you weren't told or kept a secret, at other times it's a changed relationship dynamic. Sometimes it is not even the partner's fault but you can't adjust with their family. These are difficult situations and if you feel like you don't get enough support or feel like you don't belong here, simply walk out without caring what the world says.

A user shared the story about her marriage and wrote, "I knew before I even married him, but I did it because I felt there were no other options and it was 'good enough'. I hadn't been inundated with interest before him so I felt I had to settle for what was on offer. I stayed around for another eight years, trying to avoid thinking about wasting my best years on the wrong person. I eventually left when I got a promotion and pay rise that would give me financial independence (we had no kids - by choice). Looking back, we both wasted time with the wrong person. I love being free and he's gone on to have twins with another woman. We both got what we wanted in the end."

The incident shows that it is not always anyone's fault in the relationship but things don't seem to fall into place. Though society will tell you to adjust with each other and try to explore, it is completely fine to walk out of the marriage if you feel like you are not compatible or you cannot continue with no hard feelings. These are your feelings and nobody else can control them. Society will always tell you things to follow and how to be righteous. However, you don't have to be righteous or disciplined, you have to be you and take your own decisions.


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Views expressed by author are their own

reddit thread Indian women and marriages