Divorce Is Not A Dead-End: Keep Falling In love

Divorce might seem like our entire world has collapsed, the future may appear hopeless, and there could be a huge void inside. Even for someone like me, who initiated the divorce, the future looked terrifying. Of course, I was so glad and proud of myself when I signed the divorce papers. But there was also this fear of uncertainty inside me. What comes next? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Is finding love after divorce possible? But how can I ever love someone again after a traumatic marriage? Will my child need a father figure? Myriads of hard-hitting questions with no answers.

I’ve heard of how difficult life could be for divorced women and single mothers. After taking a break, I focused on my career, which boosted my confidence. However, the thought of opening myself up to love again, this time as the mother of a child, petrified me.

Coming to the terms that divorce is just an unfortunate event of life, and life is all about second-third-fourth and infinite chances was hard to comprehend. From thinking of divorce to getting one, from restarting fresh to considering remarriage, and finding love again is an arduous process. Wherein your mental peace and emotional stability is collateral damage. So from thinking to actually falling in love doesn't seem real. When you are suffering alone in silence, most asked question is- why me god? But it is not just me, there are many who goes through such fate. Why I call fate, because society make sure it happens to be a fate.

Finding Love After Divorce

I came across a digital creator and entrepreneur Shasvathi Siva. She on her social media account said, "Yes, I’m divorced, but no! Don’t label me a divorcee". This was a game changer for me. That made me realise that divorce was in my past and that I am now single. Siva said-

"Keep the faith, believe that there's a great future ahead, and always remember that nothing is more important than yourself. Divorce is normal; don’t associate it with shame."

I spoke to several other women. One being the Harshini Sreedhar, who divorced in 2016. Sreedhar after divorce dedicated herself to career. Finding love or getting married was never on her radar. In 2017, on insistence of her friends she met new people and gave love another chance. Sreedhar said, " I met my husband, Siddharth, in 2019. We connected pretty quickly, as we had way too much in common. One day my mother casually suggested that we get married. While I was a bit flabbergasted, Siddharth immediately said, "Why not?".

For Sreedhar that was the moment in believing life is not a dead-end after divorce. Sreedhar added-

"You will eventually be happy, happier than you were in your unhappy marriage, for sure. The minute I filed for divorce, my mom was putting pressure on me to get married again because I have a son. Don’t let any of that affect you. "It's easier said than done, but take it absolutely at your own pace."

The shame associated with divorce and stigma of 'chodi hui aurat' is hard to survive. The leaving toxicity behind and regaining control over your life, career, left friendships are the silver lining. It takes time to heal and get life back in order, but do it as per your pace.

Similarly, Vidya Dakshinamoorthy, a life and relationship coach believes to jump from one relationship to another is not worth it. Work on your relationship with yourself. Give love a second chance. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. Don't be afraid to open your heart again! Dakshinamoorthy has been happily remarried for the past six years, got divorced in 2015. She met her husband on an online portal, and over time realised that he was the missing piece in the puzzle of her life. Dakshinamoorthy emphasised that healing is a lifelong process. Further added-

 "I’ve come a long way, and I’m still working on myself. We dated for 15 months, and most of our dates consisted of coffee shops and counselling. I couldn't have asked for anything better! This time I married for the right reasons, and therapy and healing helped tremendously. We were able to start on a clean slate with no baggage from the past."

Speaking to these women I realised human mind is complex. One scar can mess you up real bad and the ripples of it impact every decision of your life. In fact, unconsciously the attitude towards life post-divorce is largely influenced by what happened in divorce. Please seek for help. Don't cocoon yourself as Dakshinamoorthy said healing is mandatory. Take therapy to get out of the shithole created in head. Many times women blame themselves for everything that went wrong. They go hard on themselves and punish with - 'I don't deserve happiness' notion. Pitting and sympathizing is not an option. The bitterness cumulated from the past relationship can drown you. So when these women tell their story, I someone who is ready to open myself up to love again, inspire me and give me hope. So dear women or men, don't title yourself for being divorcee. There is lot of new prospectus waiting for you, just don't put yourself in a box. For every woman who is divorced or awaiting divorce and is spending this Valentine's Day alone. Let’s not hesitate to give ourselves a second chance at love because we deserve it. Period!

Suggested Reading: Five Indian Actors Who Found Love Again After Divorce