Imagine seeing others eat a flavour of ice cream that is enjoyed by everyone but you. Won’t you doubt your palate? Won’t you struggle with the fear of missing out? Won’t you wonder if your choices are too unconventional for your own good? I had a similar kind of feeling when I saw Ira Khan’s proposal video. Yes! Ira Khan, daughter of Amir Khan, who is somewhat my age, is now engaged. And here I am writing another article on why I don’t want to marry.
I know many women might relate to what I am feeling right now. Women are conditioned to always imagine marriage as a part of their life. But is that fair? Is it right to teach girls that marriage is an obvious turn of events in their life? Or to nudge women when others in their age group are tying the knot?
Rushing into marriage: A mistake?
From childhood, women are prepared for their life as a man’s wife. It is as if a woman’s real life only begins once she moves into her matrimonial home. They are also told that the milestone of getting hitched needs to be crossed before a certain age- the earlier the better. Women who choose to marry late often have to deal with taunting, shaming and character assassination. These are some of the reasons why many parents rush their daughter’s wedding once she is of the “right” age. Parents don’t want society to pass judgment on their daughter because they delayed her wedding. And consequently, women too start feeling the need to get married before other women of their age do.
Suggested Reading: Should Women Be Labelled As “Arrogant” If They Reject Men Who Like Them?
While parents’ concern for their daughters might be right, we cannot ignore that getting married is not a rat race which women must strive to win. It is a choice, a big decision of life which cannot be taken in hurry. Any matrimonial alliance fixed up in a hurry just to meet the right age mark is headed for failure. This is because such marriages are not fixed keeping in mind a woman’s better future but to appease society. While fixing marriages at an early age, people don’t have a woman’s future in mind but her present. And so they do not consider parameters like compatibility and maturity which can help a couple shape a healthier relationship. For example, huge dowries are given, the groom’s character is not checked, the environment of the marital house is left unseen and much more. All that matters is the groom’s salary and the marital status of the daughter.
But what is the need to rush? If the woman next door of the same age or less gets married, does it mean other unmarried women have failed? Does it mean that unmarried women in her vicinity have lost their chance to have a happy marriage? Does it mean women are incapable of having a happy and prosperous future if they choose to marry late or stay single?
Marriage is a choice, not a necessity. A woman should marry because she wants to not because she is feeling left out while women of their age are getting married. Marrying early, marrying late or not marrying at all are choices that should be left for women to make. Nothing but their will must influence their choices. Next time when you see a woman of your age getting engaged or married, be happy for them. But do not compare your life choices with theirs.
Views expressed are the author’s own.