Why Is Love A Distant Dream For Modern Women?

Love is often glorified in novels and stories, it is all mighty and great and beautiful on screen and in pages. However, when it comes to reality, you realise it is not nearly as good as the fictional one. And you give up instead of hopelessly waiting for it.

Modern women treat love as a superficial expectation that is not really possible. No matter how many books we read or rom-coms we watch, love can never be what is talked of and read about. People quote Ghalib but they never follow him, they love Jane Austen but hate the idea of discarding their pride for the one they love. There are people out there looking for relationships and not love anymore and that’s sadly how the world turned out to be.

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Giving Up On Love

A Reddit thread asked users, "Have you given up on love, if so why?" The comment section had numerous incidents of people losing all faith in relationships and love for various reasons. A user wrote, "To me, the price I have to pay if I want to be in a relationship is I have to be vulnerable. And at some level, I just don’t want to get hurt that bad again. I accept this and have family, friends, work, hobbies, and things to look forward to. So while I wouldn’t say I have given up on love, I’m not looking for it and would be very wary of any new situation."

This is so relatable when you have been misunderstood and hurt quite a few times in your life. There might have been times when you have expressed your deepest feelings and thoughts to somebody and they would have shrugged it off or judged you for it or used it against you. This happens with partners as well as family members and friends and makes people skeptical about whether to open up to someone else or not. Since relationships are all about vulnerability, people find it difficult to actually be in a healthy relationship as they are always skeptical.

A user talked about her age and threw light on how difficult it is to find love as a woman over 50 years of age. Not only the society judges you, people often hurt you and shame you for your choices. More than not finding love, it becomes about what the people will say if they know you are out there looking for love. As a woman who has to live in society, it seems like a better choice to many to discard any residual hopes of love beyond a certain age.

There are women who are afraid of losing themselves in finding love. It is hard to find a person who accepts you as you are and does not try to control you or your decisions. No matter how many centuries we have evolved, toxic relationships remain a major concern and scare people from entering into a relationship unless they are very sure. That is what gives rise to modern relationship terms like talking stages and situationships. But that only exhausts a person more and all they want is selfless love which comes from within.

When you are the most broken, then begin the journey of loving yourself and you realise that if love walks in on its own, it is fine, otherwise, you will not go out searching for them desperately because now you know your worth and you don't want to be mistreated by anyone. And often women who know their worth find it hard to find true love. There are also women who want to heal from their trauma before falling in love so that they don't want their partner to fix them. This is actually a healthier approach to relationships instead of hurting yourself and others over unresolved feelings. So sometimes, it is better to avoid love in order not to hurt others and at other times, love in real life just seems like a distant dream, a myth and a fairytale as the world describes.

Views expressed by the author are their own