#Opinion

If You Want A Partner That Gives You Everything, Marry A Mall?

Women Should Be Humble, imposter syndrome, Unsplash woman feminist daughter Priscilla Du Preez, feminist mothers, emotional labour, definition of family, desi parents, goal digger
When daughters get married, they are expected to be dependent on their husbands for everything. Rather than finding a job, women are expected to find a man with a high paying job. It’s because of such behaviour women are criticised and even called goal diggers by society. Parents make marriage only a way to achieve a house, name, security and payer.
But dear parents if you want your daughters to ask everything after marriage, wouldn’t it be better that you marry them to a mall- they can get everything at prices that they can pay for with their own money. They will get what they want along with self-empowerment, isn’t it?

Our society’s idea of marriage is unjust for both men and women. For women, it is a fetter that ties them to never-ending household responsibilities. And for men, it is a financial burden. They have to give up their life by working hard enough to pay for the unending needs ad demands of the family and house. But never does it occur in society’s mind that marriage is a bond of equals. It is about supporting each other, sharing the burdens, connecting with love and understanding each other.

Parents in our society never empower women to be able to support themselves or their husbands, if need be. It is always the husband who is expected to support the wife financially. This puts both men and women at disadvantage. If women do not earn and depend on men for everything, they will feel helpless and obliged to them.

My mother often tells me that she regrets her decision to not do a job. She doesn’t like being dependent on her husband for every penny. My granny, whose husband has unfortunately expired, also says that her husband would rarely give her any money. I had to literally beg for money if I needed something urgently. She says that before parents never taught their daughters to earn. Women are reduced into helpless dependent beings which has a lot of impact on their mental health and social position. 

Now for men, the pressure to earn enough to fend for the family is huge. Studies have proved that this pressure impacts their mental health. Suicide rates among men who have the pressure to earn are 3.5 per cent higher than women reeling under the pressure to fulfil the traditional roles.

Pankaj Kumar, an aspiring entrepreneur in Dehri-On-Sone says that mental pressure is huge for him when it comes to marriage, family needs and socialisation.

“In society, men are judged in terms of their salary. Society would socialize with you if only you earn and earn well. I have sleepless nights thinking about my business and how I will earn enough to provide for my wife and family.” He also says, “ A man’s happiness is dependent on the recession in the market. If there is a recession, earnings suffer a dip and men have to reel under the pressure of how they will be able to meet the increasing needs of the family.”

“Marriage market too is obsessed with men who earn. It is almost time for me to get married. And I can’t even imagine how difficult my life is going to be,” he says.

Apart from the mental pressure, the idea of imposing financial responsibilities on men reduces the importance and opportunities given to women to be the bread earners or co-bred earners. If men alone are expected and raised as sole breadwinners, will women ever understand the importance of financial independence? How will the need for financial independence come naturally to them?

Shivam Prakash, Software Developer based in Bangalore said, “The pressure to earn is huge among men than it is among women. Although it is important to be financially independent, it is not a necessity for women in our society. Society can accept and economically dependent women but that doesn’t apply to men. For men, if they sit at home with no earnings, they have to face rejections in marriage markets, taunts for being unemployed and whatnot.”

I am not trying to put the blame on either men or women. Women are conditioned to not earn, quit their job and be dependent on their husbands for everything.

While husbands are burdened by the responsibility to take care of everything on their own. They can’t even ask women, their partners, to support them because toxic masculinity has labelled that thought unmanly. That’s why I say it is better for women to marry malls. They can get everything, including empowerment because you don’t get things for free in malls. You have to earn.

Jokes aside, dear readers, if you are a parent, then raise your daughters to be independent and not a helpless and submissive beings. And remove the burden on your sons to prove their validity by being able to shoulder the financial responsibility of the entire family. And if you are not parents, then dear men and women, change what marriage means to you. It is not about submissiveness or burdens. Or about fulfilling needs. It is about sharing, caring and loving. Women and men should support each other in every burden and struggle. Marriage is about two people, not one.

Views expressed are author’s own