Lucky To Die As Suhagan: How Women Face Discrimination Even In Death

For women in India, there is no escaping the hierarchy, even in death. If women die as suhagan, they are said to be "bhagyawaan". Why? Because sindoor brings value to a woman's existence, no matter how short it is. When it adorns the forehead of a married woman on her death bed, it earns her a revered status because she managed to escape the sufferings that widowhood brings upon most women in our society. This says so much about the way we treat widows in India.

Marriage is considered a very auspicious chapter in a woman’s life. It is not just about starting new relationships, but also about claiming her rightful place in society. You might have noticed that married women lead certain customs and rituals practised within families and social circles. Be it pre-wedding, post-wedding, or festival rituals- divorced, widowed or single women are often discouraged from performing them. But have you ever thought about the reason behind this bias? Why are married women hailed to be auspicious- representatives of a goddess who brings prosperity to a household? While on the other hand, single women are treated as an anomaly and widows as inauspicious?

Society tells that once married, women achieve the true purpose of their life, living it to the fullest. Getting married, attaining a man’s surname, wearing sindoor and jewels and even serving in the marital house are women’s ultimate goals in life and the purpose of their existence. A person who has achieved the goals and purpose of existence automatically becomes auspicious and at peace. So living and dying as suhagan is a blessing for women as she has completed her destiny.

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But why must marriage be the purpose of a woman’s life? Why must a woman’s marital status get to define whether her life and death are good or bad? Should a woman marry or sustain an unhappy ">marriage just because dying single is ominous? Why can’t single or estranged women be valued? Is singlehood a sin? Or is divorce or widowhood a curse? Why can’t society look beyond a woman’s marital identity?

Moreover, men are not expected to live under such misconceptions and rules. Their marital status has nothing to do with how they live and die. Marriage is not their destiny and freedom is their entitlement. They are expected to have a job, bank balance and success to show that they have lived the purpose of their lives. But why doesn’t society consider women as successful if they seek the same things? How long will we discriminate between men and women based on unreasonable explanations?

Dear society, at least let women die in peace if you can’t let them live as such. It doesn’t matter whether a woman is married or not during her death. More important are the answers to the questions that did she live freely? Did she achieve independence? Did she die without being wronged? And did she get justice? Let us strive towards empowering women as independent individuals. Their worth should be defined by them and not by husbands, in-laws or social norms.

Views expressed are the author's own.