Apne Maayke Jaa Ke Karna: Why Do Mothers-In-Law Say This?

Maayke jaa ke karna how often do married women get to hear this? Do women have agency at their marital house? Are women free to be themselves at their in-law’s house? Aren’t women always asked to behave properly in front of their in-laws? Do we have any such expectations from men?

How women are expected to change themselves after marriage

Women in our society are taught since childhood to behave in a certain way at their marital house. From a very small age, girls are aware of the difference between parental and marital house. “Sasural mein aise nhi chalega” is often used by elders to police women and control and dictate the terms of living.

And when women reach their marital house, they are made to undergo many changes to become daughters-in-law. Just yesterday I was watching a daily soap with my mother in which a mother-in-law holds a competition to prove which of her two daughters-in-law are more sanskaari. And how can daughters-in-law prove that? By cooking good food, wearing saree properly (even if they don't want to) and respecting the elders?

And this happens in the real life too. Change in the way they dress up, speak, eat etc are imposed on the women by their mothers-in-law. Even though daughters-in-law are given the key to the tijoris (lockers), they are not allowed to make financial decisions or be financially empowered. Many women are asked to leave their jobs after marriage. And if women try to be themselves or oppose certain demands, they are often told that it is not their parental home where they can do whatever they want.

Until women stay at their marital house, they are forced to live according to their in-laws. And let us also face it that not every women are allowed to go their maayke frequently. So does marriage for them mean they can never exercise their choices?

Apne maayke jaa ke karna: Do women have agency at their marital house?

But is it right to oppress women in their marital houses? Is it right to estrange them in their marital houses which are considered to be their second home? Women leave their own houses to adjust to the new life at their marital homes. Don’t they have the right to be free and happy at their marital house?

Do we expect such adjustments in behaviour when men go to their marital houses? Aren’t men respected for just being the damaads who agreed to marry the daughters of the house? Why is this difference in the way society treats their damads and bahus? Why can’t bahus be respected for they are rather than expecting them to change and adjust?

It is about time now that we get rid of these stereotypes. We need to understand that just because a girl marries, she doesn’t lose her rights to be free and unapologetic. She should be loved and respected equally at her parental and marital house. And this is a woman's legal right too. &t=1120s">Marriage or bidaai doesn’t mean women lose their touch with parents and conform to every demand and restriction at their marital home.

Moreover, we need to get rid of the difference in the way we treat the damads and bahus. They both deserve equal respect and love. Stop making their genders the determinants of their lives.

Views expressed are the author's own.