#Sexuality

Casual Sex: 8 Essentials No One Tells You But You Should Know

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For the longest time, casual sex has been taboo for the way it involves the use of body and flesh for carnal pleasure. Doesn’t matter if intercourse is a basic human need. Or that every adult has the right to make choices in life without judgment. Or even that people deserve to go out there and have fun, as they wish to.

Nope. The defenders of morality have taken it upon themselves to condition society against sex that is without any relationship commitment. And the burden of shame and dignity so imposed falls largely upon the shoulders of women, as is the lopsided design of patriarchy.

But despite arbitrary social diktats, people are regaining control of their sexual rights and freedoms to enjoy the pleasures life and their bodies have to offer. No reason they shouldn’t. To navigate the path better, here are some essentials that will make your casual cruise a smooth-sailing one.

Some Basics To Help You Have Fun With Casual Sex:

1. Consent should be continuous and non-negotiable 

Either in long-term relationships or single-night ones, consent should be consistent. Before, during, after sex, you have every right to call the thing off any moment you feel something is off. Or if the day isn’t right and you’re just not into it.

Don’t guilt-trip yourself into indulging in something for the benefit of your partner or to avoid the risk of offending them. Consent is non-negotiable for both parties. Respect them and yourself enough to make allowances for it.

2. At home, tend to your hookup buddy like a guest 

If you’re bringing a friend home, then it’s only civil you extend the same hospitality – err… some of it – as you would a regular guest. Make sure you return to a clean home, hygienic surroundings, and a place your partner feels comfortable to settle into, even if for a short period.

We’re not talking romantic roses and mood lighting. That would be taking it a tad too far for a casual hookup. And you don’t want to come off too strong, right? Check off the basics – food, water, pillows, sheets.

3. You are entitled to ask your partner their sexual health history 

It may seem like the fast-paced hookup culture attributes little importance to safe sex practices (“who’s got the time?”). But is there any other sexual arrangement that demands as much prudence towards health as does casual sex with its multiple, consecutive stranger partners? The ever-present risk of STDs is hellish.

Stay up to date with your routine medical checkups and take confirmation from your hookup partner on the status of theirs.

4. Keep protection, contraception, toys, lubes handy

If you’re diving into the hookup pool, then arming yourself with necessary weapons is a prerogative for safe, healthy sex. Condoms and contraceptives? Check. Toys and other contraptions? Check. Consent? Check.

Women, don’t feel hesitant to keep a stash of male protection handy – don’t think of it as the duty of a male partner. Carrying a condom on you is a sign of sexual agency; it’s you deciding when, where and how. Moreover, safe sex is stylish.

5. Best to steer clear of one-sided attachment

Casual sex is called casual for a reason. Hookup. No strings attached. Emotional investments are stocked on a different aisle segregated by dating preferences, relationship agreements and romantic fulfilments. As for casual sex, its very characteristics defy these labels, for those involved go in expecting only immediate pleasure and no commitment beyond.

Make it clear at the very start what you are looking for. Tell them (and yourself too) that attachment is not on the cards for this liaison. No social media friendships, no follow-up meets, minimal contact.

6. Don’t shy away from setting boundaries 

Set some ground rules in bed – on what is off-limits and what you are permitting – before getting down to steamy business. Women shouldn’t have to compromise on their comfort and consent only for fulfilling the sexual satisfaction of their partner(s). Call the shots, as your sexual agency demands you to.

Not comfortable with attempting a position? Say it. No kisses? Declare it loud. Something hurts? It’s okay to say stop.

7. Ditch the guilt 

In India, particularly among women, there continues to persist latent guilt for enjoying casual sex or pre-marital sex or sex with multiple partners. Sexual agency and independence have forever carried stigma in our society, with the conditioning that the ‘morality’ of physical relationships lies in the ‘purity’ of its intent – procreation ranks best while pleasure ranks lowest.

But on what grounds does this guilt rest? Preservation of culture? Tradition? Who decides the best standard for these?

Patriarchy is pulling the strings, more or less. Ignore it. You do you.

8. Relax! If today goes wrong, there’s always tomorrow 

Keeping it light and breezy is the way to go when navigating casual sex. Let your hair loose and enjoy the ride. It’s one thing being stuck in a committed relationship with a partner not being able to fulfil your sexual needs. With hookups, one needn’t stress about having to wait forever for an orgasm.

If you match with an unsuitable suitor one day, fret not. You can throw the darts again tomorrow.

Views expressed are the author’s own. 


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