'Have Strong Individual Worth': Andaleeb Wajid On Empowering Daughters

Years back, my introverted younger self was sitting in the corner of a room surrounded by aunties. One of the aunties casually remarked, "Beta, you should groom yourself. Otherwise, no man will marry you in the future." That time, I wondered, does a woman's existence truly depend upon a man?

Even today, a woman is told to read well, not that she will have a promising career in the future, but because no one would prefer to marry an uneducated woman. Women are told every now and then to focus on their physical appearance, not as a way to look beautiful, but to get their rishta fixed with less dowry.

When do you call a woman a rulebreaker? When she revolts against the shackles of convention. When she openly questions the patriarchal nature of the society. When she gathers the courage to raise her voice against the age-old customs.

In the latest episode of Rulebreaker: The Shaili Chopra Show, author Andaleeb Wajid opens up about getting married at 19 and how this decision was shaped more by societal pressure than personal choice.

Speaking to Shaili Chopra, founder of SheThePeople and Gytree, Andaleeb described how her character Abir Maqsood's marriage in her novel 'The Henna Start-up' is inspired by a real-life scenario where the parents emphasise their daughter's marriage rather than her education for a better life. For a woman, obtaining a degree takes a backseat, and getting married and having kids is prioritised.

Lisa Kleypas once quoted, "A well-read woman is a dangerous creature." What makes an educated and well-learned woman dangerous? Education is not only a medium, but it also gives a sense of individuality and self-worth. It gives a wider perspective and makes an individual discern right from wrong. 

The Ideology Behind The Perfect Wife

Ever heard about an Ideal Husband? We tend to categorise men as 'Green Flag Husbands' once they start regarding their wives' family. Occasionally helping the wife with household chores, being respectful towards her, taking her opinions, planning family vacations, and staying loyal in the marriage automatically makes a husband 'perfect'. 

Women, on the other hand, would be 'Red Flagged' the minute they forget to fulfil a responsibility. They are expected to balance their family life and then pursue a career if time permits. A woman would be called out for the one time she comes home late. Her role as a wife would be questioned if she didn't know where her husband's socks were. She is called a 'bad mom' if she is unable to attend her child's school events. 

Further in the interview, Andaleeb mentioned, "Women are conditioned to not spend much on themselves." Speaking of which, why is it important for a woman to focus on herself? Because in the process of being a perfect daughter, daughter-in-law, wife, and mother, she forgets to be an individual herself! 

So dear parents, make your daughter so capable that you don't have to worry who will marry her. Instead of saving money for her wedding, spend it well on her education and most importantly, instead of preparing her for her marriage, prepare her for herself.

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Views expressed by the author are their own.