Amruta Bendre On A Woman's Freedom Beyond The 'Shaadi Ke Baad' Script

For many girls, growing up is a constant negotiation with a world that values their marital prospects over their individuality. One phrase every Indian girl grows up hearing: 'Shaadi ke baad' (After marriage). It is a dialogue that defers a woman's autonomy, seeing marriage and childbirth as the ultimate benchmark of her worth. In a recent episode of The Rulebreaker Show with Shaili Chopra, comedian Amruta Bendre unpacked this script with honesty and biting humour.

"Any question I asked my mom, the only answer was always 'shaadi ke baad.’ If I ask, ‘Can I have cheese on my sandwich?’ or ‘Can I wear sleeveless to college?’, it was always ‘after marriage,'" Amruta recounted. "Like, should I go to college also after marriage?" she joked.

And just like that, the curtain lifts on how deep the phrase cuts. It’s not just a casual response; it’s a conditioning, a social script that defines the boundaries of a girl’s life before she even begins to live it.

The conversation takes a sharp, personal turn when Amruta recalls a moment from her late teens. “I had a cyst on my ovary when I was 19, and my mother was devastated. ‘How will you get married now?’” That one reaction reveals the weight carried by millions of women; their bodies aren’t theirs, but a ticket to marriage. Health is not health; it’s a marriage obstacle.

Such attitudes are outdated and oppressive, equating bodily autonomy with marriageability and fostering shame around natural aspects of womanhood. For many young women, this creates a long-standing conflict with their own bodies, desires, and identity.

Comedy, in this space, does something unusual. It doesn’t just make people laugh; it opens a safe crack where uncomfortable truths slip in. A punchline about household chores isn’t just funny, it’s layered with the exhaustion of centuries of unpaid labour. A quip about in-laws isn’t just about overbearing relatives; it’s about a system that normalises a woman’s silence. By placing these realities in comedy, the conversation revealed how humour can be resistance, how laughter can puncture long-held myths.

But beneath the laughter lies an unsettling reality: why is it always the woman who must bend? Why does “shaadi ke baad" come with a rulebook for her, but freedom for him? These are not just stereotypes; they are lived realities across generations.

Beyond the Punchline

What stood out in the conversation was how “shaadi ke baad” is rarely questioned. It is presented as a fact, not a choice. Young women hear it like a command. Study well, but remember, after marriage, your priorities will shift. Work if you like, but after marriage, don’t forget family comes first. Even personal dreams are framed around marriage, as if it is both the starting line and the finishing line.

Amruta recounted an incident from many years ago. "When my daughter was 3, she asked me why I use a tampon. And I remembered how, when we were younger, we did not have the luxury to ask our mothers such questions or explore who we are." She revealed how she is breaking this cycle and encouraging her daughter to explore, be curious, and make choices without waiting for societal approval. 

The conversation also hinted at something deeper: the resilience of women who continue to live, love, and laugh despite these burdens. It’s not just about struggles, but about their refusal to be defined by “shaadi ke baad” alone. They build careers, nurture passions, and challenge stereotypes, often while carrying invisible loads. That balance, sometimes fragile, sometimes fierce, is itself a quiet revolution.

And maybe that’s the point: the narrative must shift from sacrifice to selfhood. Marriage should not be the full stop at the end of a woman’s sentence. It should be a comma, just one part of a story she writes on her own terms.

The truth is, “shaadi ke baad” is not just a phrase; it’s a cultural leash. From clothes to college, from sexuality to health, from motherhood to menopause, the phrase creeps into every decision women make. But as this conversation shows, women are also rewriting the script. Not with grand declarations, but with candid honesty, uncomfortable truths, and the courage to say: I hated it. I questioned it. And I am still standing.

Watch the full conversation here: