Good Girls Don't Like Sex...Right?

Are Women As Horny As Men?: Breaking news! Yes, women can be as horny as men. Data put together in Daniel Bergner's book What Women Want suggests that women are equally (if not more) horny as men and that our libidos (that is, our sex drives) are INTENSE.

Although, we do have our hormones controlling our horniness. Dr Niveditha Manokaran explained that the two hormones in women- Estrogen and Progesterone, vary throughout a cycle. That makes them feel less or more horny at different points.

But do women have a level-playing field to manifest that horniness? Are women comfortable with the idea of themselves being horny? Can we strip female desire from its social context? The cultural setting? Maybe one day. But the social context has always been part of the picture.

Who gets to decide whether we can be horny? How much can we be horny?

Dr Niveditha Manokaran said that women feel horny when they have a high amount of estrogen which usually happens when they are ovulating around day 13-15 of their menstrual cycle. Women also feel very horny after or on the day they begin their periods. When women go through premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or when they get their periods, their progesterone levels are high. This makes them very horny. That's why period sex can be important for women.

But is this it? Do our bodies control our sexual desire or is it our minds, our social conditioning that prevents us from following our desires?

Let’s try and unravel the reasons why you stop yourself from embracing your sex drive:

Sex and shame are closely linked in our society, especially for women.

1. Sex is only for reproduction- Shaadi se pehle no sex. And Agar shaadi ho gayi hai and bacha paida kar liya hai- Fir kyu karna hai tumhe?

2. Sex shaming- Sex and shame are closely linked in our society, especially for women. Many of us are taught that women aren’t supposed to have sex outside of the boundaries of love and marriage. Or we're taught that a woman who has a lot of sex—or even one who enjoys sex “too much”—is a slut.

On the flip side, men are taught they aren’t “real men” if they don't have “enough" sex.

3. Hush around sex: Not talking about it increases taboo. It’s still not common for women to talk about sexual desire and libido. Men do it and often they do it in ways that are degrading to women and their candour and sexual humour are then justified as “boys will be boys.”

But women, even if they talk about it, talk about it in whispers. The shame that a lot of women still feel about the subject comes from the feeling of guilt - for feeling aroused, wanting sex, or having a sense of lust for pleasure. They have been made to feel guilty for so long.

The stereotype by men that it is hard to please a woman (where’s the G spot? Is your orgasm even important?) contributes to misinformation.

4. Women's bodies are a mystery- Why? Whose fault is that? Seems impossible to please a woman? Because not a lot of people talk about female pleasure and sexual desire, there is a lot of mystery surrounding it. First, because there’s a lack of education on the subject.

It has been hushed for so long that people now genuinely don’t know how to separate fact and fiction. Secondly, the stereotype by men that it is hard to please a woman (where’s the G spot? Is your orgasm even important?) contributes to misinformation. Seriously, it’s not that tough to please us. Just ask what we want in bed. And follow some instructions maybe?

5. No sex-ed in schools- Schools also add to the taboo surrounding women’s pleasure in the bedroom. Do you remember how fast your teacher skipped that biology chapter in class 8? - yes you know which one I’m talking about, the one on reproduction.

Apart from that, there is hardly any real sex education that is meaningful. Boys and girls are put in separate classes and given a surface level understanding of their bodies. What about pleasure? Masturbation for women? Equality in sexual experiences?

It is completely normal and natural for me to be horny. And that doesn't make me a "bad girl".

Please remember: Your sexual urges aren't dirty: They are human. Anytime you feel that "Good girls don't like sex or shouldn't like sex"- repeat the new mantra- It is completely normal and natural for me to be horny. And that doesn't make me a "bad girl".

Views expressed by the author are their own. 

Watch video here: