Why Are Women Still Carrying The Burden Of Silent Sex?

Women have amazing careers, pay their own bills, and hold arguments without losing composure but they are willing to take the chance to have unprotected sex and keep their fingers crossed for good luck, to not get pregnant. In some cases, they are okay to risk exposure to sexually transmitted diseases from their partners. 

I often find myself boggled as to why women find it so difficult to discuss sexual preferences and agency over their own bodies? 
Also the birth control choice, why shouldn’t it naturally become a woman’s prerogative? And why do women agree to please their partners with the demand for unprotected sex? Is this about the age-old mentality of overlooking the female body and its complications from youth till old age? 

Why Are Women Still Scared to Talk About Condoms?

As I delved further into the subject, I spoke to a young girl Maya (name changed), who has just started college in another city. For the first time, she has found the freedom that she did not have at home, to meet her friends and be without the curfew hour. She also has regular sex with her boyfriend, who is also in the same college. She said, she was extremely worried about getting pregnant but did not want to ruin the situation with her boyfriend, who insisted on becoming serious about their relationship. Which meant they would now have sex. She went further to confide that they both felt better without a condom coming in the way of their pleasure. She mentioned that till now nothing has happened and maybe she is infertile, that too is her worry. 

Contraception pills are sometimes available without any prescription in cities. But the truth is there is a large unmet need for contraception among women, which has been one of the reproductive and sexual health challenges facing women today. 

The conversation that remains pushed under the carpet is how women may have to deal with the unpleasant changes in their hormones with the usage of long-term contraceptive pills. But they much rather use pills, without their partner’s knowledge instead of ruining their partner’s mood by asking him to wear a condom? 

Women have been conditioned to not complain about minor and major health issues; thereby when she gets headaches, nausea, breast tenderness, and irregular bleeding, particularly in the first few months of use, she barely speaks up about it. Also, women have been gaslit since time immemorial to look a certain way and with contraceptive pills, one can experience an increase in weight. Some women can suffer risk of blood clots, including deep vein thrombosis (DVT). 

In India, newer contraceptive options have been introduced under the National Family Planning program including the three-monthly injectable contraceptive "Antara" and the non-hormonal weekly oral contraceptive pill "Chhaya". With these latest developments in the field of women's reproductive health, one can feel encouraged that the medical fraternity is slowly but surely addressing issues that have been dictated not by women’s health concerns but more the perspective of the social stigmas around sex and agency of the female body. 

Maya mentioned that among her group of friends, she never admits that she has unprotected sex with her boyfriend as she doesn’t want to come out as a minority in the group that shares intimate stories with one another. But she is sure many are like her. 

Therefore to rubber or not to rubber still remains the gender dynamic in many relationships that many couples are not willing to address with maturity or take the step to make the man an equal stakeholder in her reproductive health issues and concerns. 

Mohua Chinappa is an author, poet and runs two podcasts. The Mohua Show and The Literature Lounge. She is also a member of a London based award winning non profit think tank called Bridge India.