What My Grandma & Her Besties Of 60 Years Taught Me About Modern Friendship

My grandmother and her best friends of over six decades have shaped my understanding of friendship like no WhatsApp group chat or social media appreciation post ever could. Akhila and Vijaya (names changed for privacy) were two sisters who grew up with my grandmother in Bangalore's cultural hub, Malleswaram. They were the trio that everyone in the locality had their eyes on. Their rebellion, mischief, inside jokes, and enduring loyalty made them legends in their own right.

Even after my grandmother moved to Madras post-marriage, every trip back home became a reunion and a sacred ritual. They would get together and bitch about their in-laws, go to movies or restaurants (CTR's masala dose was their favourite), and slip back into the ease of sisterhood, picking up where they left off.

My grandmother and her stories

My 70-something-year-old grandmother lives with dementia, and much of her world seems to quietly slip out of her reach. Caring for a person with a memory-loss condition is difficult in ways we rarely address. It isn't just about keeping a watchful eye on them or repeating reminders to them; it is about watching them forget parts of themselves that make them whole.

On some days, my grandmother thinks I am still a schoolgirl; on other days, she fails to recognise me. Yet, when I ask her stories about her childhood with Akhila or Vijaya, her face lights up and I feel 'at home'. Her memories with them remain fresh, seemingly untouched by time or illness. That goes to show how big a part they play in her life.

We lost Akhila last year, and it took my grandmother a moment to process the news. "How?" she kept wondering, still imagining her best friend as that teenager she once walked the lanes of Malleswaram with. That kind of grief was something I had never seen; the slow and painful realisation that a part of her story had ended. Without her.

Will I have a growing-old-with buddy?

Friends often tell each other, "You're like family." But with my grandmother, Akhila, and Vijaya, it was quite literal. The trio was so close that almost everyone related to my grandmother knows her childhood best friends. At family gatherings, even the ones at my grandfather's side, the sisters got an automatic invite. That is the level of friendship I aspire to achieve. 

I often find myself reflecting on the platonic relationships I have built or lost over the years. From getting ghosted by someone I called "bestie" to long-term friends not finding time to catch up, a lot of my good friendships have become touch-and-go. There are often moments when I catch myself wondering, "Will I ever have a friendship like my grandmother's?"

Today, we boast thousands of followers on social media: the friends, the exes, that one person you had a crush on in eighth grade, the friend you only exchange memes with, the friend you only wish on birthdays or festivals, the girl you met in a club bathroom but never DMed after that night. But how many of these do you truly think you'll grow old with?

And it isn't just me. My father or Akhila and Vijaya's children never stayed friends outside of Facebook either. Were friendships in the pre-technology era easier? Perhaps not; but they were definitely more intentional. With fewer distractions and more presence, with less instant communication but more intentional connection.

My grandmother and her friends remind me that friendship is hard work. It is not just about helping them select the perfect photo to post online or the occasional "miss you, babe" texts. It's about actually showing up for each other, even in the mundane moments. It's about letting the ego go and making space for forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding.

I may not have a friendship like my grandmother's yet, but I hold on to that idea, hoping that someday, I will find the secret sauce to a bond that withstands changing cities or time zones, forgotten birthdays, or miscommunication. And who knows, maybe one day my grandchild will write an essay about how my buddies and I inspired their idea of friendship.

Views expressed by the author are their own.