To Cut Or Not To Cut: Why Does My Family Try To Control My Hair Length?

From female celebrities choosing to ‘go grey’ to women around the world cutting their hair for a cause, women's hair has always been a sign of expression, an identity. In our new series Hair Histories, we trace the love-hate relationship many Indian women share with their hair.

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In my family, everything is a debate. If I'm planning a trip, each member of the family will weigh in. If I look into further studies, then the rest of the family will be there to provide their suggestions. While it makes sense that my family members take an interest in big decisions, I didn't expect my hair length to turn into a discussion.

A few years ago, my hair had become too long to handle and with summer quickly approaching, I decided to go and get it shortened. As soon as I mentioned this to my mother, my whole family was ready to give them their suggestions.

My mother told me always to keep my hair short as it "looks better", meanwhile my dad dared me to go shorter and be bald instead. But the problem started when my grandmother joined the conversation, and insisted I not cut my hair. While I prefer my hair short, especially during summer, it turned out my grandmother's preference for longer hair somehow hampered my wishes.

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Why Is My Hair Length A Debate?

All of a sudden, my simple wish to cut my hair turned into a family battle. To this day, I'm still unsure about why my hair became a topic of discussion that my relatives had a say in.

My parents who were excited about my hair cut were hesitant in the face of my grandmother's seniority. In the end, I managed to get my hair cut two days later after my grandmother was distracted but to do so, I had to ignore several attempts of guilt-tripping.

Ever since then, whenever I bring up cutting my hair, my mother makes sure to tell me not to bring it up in front of my grandmother. After all, it's better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission. Why face scrutiny and never-ending questions when it comes to my hair length? And if this is how they reacted to my wanting to cut my hair, I can't imagine the reaction I'd get if I got my hair dyed.

While I can agree that the matter of me getting my hair cut was quite small, the fact that a small task required so much hassle made it worse. I can understand and appreciate when families give suggestions for big decisions, but it's not required when a teenager decides to get their hair cut. Plus, there's a difference between having preferences and trying to force others to comply with your preferences.

While hair length may be a small issue, it's a small example of how families (Indian families in particular) have a habit of assuming that relatives will follow their every direction. I've seen (and experienced) how family members will comment on other people's weight and body shame under the guise of being "concerned" about health, however, that excuse doesn't work when it comes to hair length.

The obsession with hair length seems like a small symptom of how Indian families micromanage their children's choices and desires. If families can try to dictate clothing, friends, and life partners, then it makes sense that they might try to control hair length as well. While I still have to wear a large jacket over my clothes when I'm going out, at least I can say that my hair length and I are finally on the same page.

Views expressed are the author's own, not the platform's