Are Women Still Shrinking Their Feelings To Feel Loved?

"I’m not like other girls, I’m so chill.”  Yes, that was me back then. I used to think being different from other girls was the biggest compliment. Stupid, I know—but I guess a lot of people fall into that without even realising it. We tell ourselves we’re unique, “low-maintenance,” the “cool girl”—but what we’re actually doing is trying to fit into a so-called superior category, one designed to make others feel comfortable. Why do we feel the need to distance ourselves from our own gender just to be accepted? Why do we silently dismiss our own feminine qualities as if they’re something to be ashamed of? 

We’re human, aren’t we? Not products. And yet, the comparison keeps creeping in. Products that require “low maintenance” are considered best for long-term use. So why are we expected to be the same—chill, undemanding, emotionally minimal—just to satisfy others? 

Why are we transforming into machines, shutting down emotions that are natural, that are given to us by nature itself? Why are we made to believe that expressing feelings, having needs, or asking for more makes us less lovable? 

It’s not a call to be dramatic or overly emotional—it’s about being real. You should have the right to express what you truly feel, without constantly worrying, “What will he think?” or “Will she judge me?” 

If we keep suppressing emotions just to maintain peace or to be seen as “easygoing,” what kind of progress are we really making? All that does is create a society full of people wearing masks, pretending everything’s okay while quietly crumbling inside. 

And that’s the real danger. Because behind those masks, half of us are slipping into depression. Smiling outside, suffocating inside. So if emotional expression is punished and emotional minimalism is rewarded—how can we ever call this growth? 

When Silence Becomes a Wall, Not a Bridge 

People build real connections through communication—and communication is nothing but the honest expression of feelings. Especially with the ones we’re closest to. 

But if we stop expressing, if we stay silent out of fear, what happens? We start holding grudges over things they might’ve done unintentionally. We let small discomforts pile up into silent resentments—not because they were cruel, but because we were too afraid to ask, too scared we’d come off as “too much.” 

And so, the fear of seeming needy keeps us from clearing the fog. The truth stays buried. So what’s this “low-maintenance” label really doing—bridging the gap or building it? 

Because in trying to be so chill, so easy to love, you lose your voice. You lose your honesty. And somewhere along the way, your true happiness disappears too. 

You think you’re preserving peace, but really, you’re digging a grave for genuine connection. And the worst part? This whole idea is getting propagated through pop culture—it romanticises the cool girl trope. 

Quoting from Gone Girl: “Cool girls never get angry; they only laugh it off.” 

Now just think—by revealing this version of womanhood to the audience over and over again, aren’t we unconsciously expecting them to be emotionally paralysed? To not react? To hold everything in and simply laugh it off? 

The greatest virtue of being human—the thing that separates us from animals—is our ability to speak, to express what we feel. So why are we devolving? 

"Women are taught to shrink themselves, to make space for others.” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Isn’t it high time we point this out? Isn’t it time we stop forgetting the purpose of our mouths? 

Because only if you’re strong enough to protect your peace, to be emotionally honest, will real connection ever thrive. Otherwise, this whole thing becomes just a masquerade ball. 

You’ll keep dancing with a mask on—until one day, someone replaces you. And you’ll realise: they never even saw the real you. 
Because you weren’t strong enough to show her. Because you never gave yourself the space to be truly seen. 

 Views expressed by the author are their own.