Why Monica And Chandler's Love Story Still Inspires Me Today

When we see romance on TV, we all tend to imagine that our lives are as romantic as the fictional ones. The coincidence of the meeting, the splendid dates, the dreamy proposals and the happy ending that tears up our eyes- build our expectations from our partners. The imaginary and fictional love stories seem real when they walk out of the TV and create a space in our hearts and minds. I, too, have a fascination with the love stories of rom-coms and sitcoms. I, too, have created an imaginary idea of what my love story will be. Do you know which sitcom or which couple have inspired my imagination? Any guesses? Let me give you a hint. The man said 'I love you' for the first time to the woman when her head was stuck in a turkey. Yes, you are right. I am talking about Monica and Chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Let us first begin with how a drunken nightstand became the launchpad of their love story. Even though Monica and Chandler were friends, they had sex and felt completely normal! It was supposed to be just a hook-up but the sex and the emotions involved connected them beyond a hook-up. 

Sex involves emotions, at least for me

Normally, in the current generation, sex has become casual. People have sex and then move on. The no-strings-attached idea is so normalised that sex is now devoid of emotions. I might sound like an old lady with old beliefs. But call me anything, sex creates a special bond as the partners see the inner selves of each other, which is usually hidden from the world. The very idea of choosing a person to whom one reveals their inner self is special. So I admire how one nightstand built a life-long bond between Monica and Chandler. 

From goofing around (which Chandler describes in the most romantic way as friends who like to spend time with each other) to dating, the journey was no less than a dream. As it is rightly said, one should never reveal the good things of their lives to others because people tend to ruin them. Monica and Chandler, too, kept their dating lives a secret for a long time. The sneaking, the "best sex ever" pretensions, and defending their romantic acts with weird reactions (remember when Chandler was caught kissing Monica, and to hide the relationship, he kisses Rachel and Phoebe too)—all these reminded me of childhood romance. 

The secret romance of childhood

When we were kids, or rather teenagers, we all used to have a crush or a boyfriend whom we met secretly, messaged from parents' phones, and even spoke to from the same phone. The pleasure of meeting or talking was rooted in the secrecy of the relationship. We used to take risks to speak to our beloved, which made each second of the encounter valuable. Even though sneaking and taking risks are not as common now, they are still prevalent. Couples tend to hide their relationships to avoid judgements and bullying and hence have to play the game of sneaking. Is it not romantic when your partner takes risks and makes sacrifices to just meet you for an hour or so? 

Dealing with fights in a relationship

Then comes the biggest hurdle to relationships—the fights. No relationship is spared from fights or arguments. No matter how lovey-dovey the couple is, at some point, the differences in viewpoint create a conflict. The current generation is rarely aware of how to resolve those fights and avoid them from affecting the relationship. People either break up or live with unresolved issues and emotions. But Chandler and Monica had the best reply to fights in their relationship: "It was a fight. You deal with it and you move on." 

I want my relationships to be as simple as this dialogue. I want my partner to believe in resolving fights rather than fleeing the situation.

Proposal: Breaking gender roles 

How can I forget the proposal scene? The proposal was special and dreamy, not just because of the candles and decorations but also for breaking gender binaries. Usually, we see men going down on their knees and proposing to their beloved. But in the case of Monica and Chandler, both were on their knees, proposing to each other. The fact that Monica initiated it made the proposal break gender roles.

Inspired by this scene, if I ever love someone enough to spend my life with them, I won't hesitate to propose, even if the partner doesn't or even declines. The idea is to take the first step, rather than waiting for the next and ending up in regret. 

Life after marriage

Last but not least, the marriage and the life after marriage of Monica and Chandler set benchmarks of how a married couple can love each other while treating each other as equals. When Chandler comes with recreated wedding pictures in which he was seen kissing another woman and finds Monica opening up all the presents, the couple says, "Call it even!"

This is exactly how relationships work—before and after marriage. The couple has to love each other enough to not let any misunderstanding or mistake affect their relationships. Both parties in the relationship should have the will to forgive, treat each other as equals and not judge mistakes on the basis of gender. Usually, when a man commits a mistake, he is forgiven. But when a woman does something wrong, she is character-assassinated and deserted to avoid any blotch on the man's or his family's reputation. We need to stop this gender-based judgement of mistakes. Every human commits mistakes and they deserve to apologise and seek forgiveness. 

There is a lot more to Monica and Chandler that has stuck with me. Perhaps my standards have risen and I have become high-maintenance, but my Chandler would reply, "I like maintaining you."

Views expressed are the author's own.