'If They Wanted To, They Would': How I Learnt That It Is Okay To Let Go

Life is a lesson of letting go. I have recently embraced living by this quote. We exist in a fleeting existence, one that we do not own and certainly do not control. Our life is meant to be a transformative lesson, one that holds us accountable and yields the best gifts of experience. One that makes us cry and makes us laugh, one that buries our soul with love, and one that bleeds every single ounce of our spirit in pain.

The contradictions of humanness often leave us in conundrums of confusion, one that often gives us the best situations, the best people, the best outcomes, the best company, and then all of a sudden it plonks us into an arena of nothingness.

A space where time stands still, where nothing makes sense, and everything that was working out fine up until yesterday seems to have hit rock bottom.

Life is often a ruthless teacher who would not give you a good grade even if you put your best effort forward, and no matter what you do, it still does not hand you what you want.

Sometimes it does not give you the job you want, sometimes it takes away your dream opportunity, your partner, who you thought was your destined soulmate, leaves you, or your long-lost friendships you can think of; all of it just seems unfair.

But what if these things are not working out, or the people leaving were the best thing that could happen to you? Stay with me here for a bit!

Life: A Ruthless Yet Remarkable Teacher

I know it hurts to the core when things do not work out, when rejection stings you, when life becomes a series of delays, detours, disruptions, and pitfalls. But maybe that is what growing up is all about. That things don't always go our way, we do not get the life the way we always want.

And the only thing we can do is accept things the way they are and let go, let people, situations, places, and opportunities be who they exactly are.

It is a brutal truth, but sometimes people are meant to hurt us; they are meant to break our trust. And no, I am not saying we are destined for hurt; we are meant to learn the lesson of boundaries and the lesson of letting go. 

Because no matter how hard we try to keep them in our lives, the ones who are meant to go can never stay. Maybe we should embrace the let them theory and accept things for what they are.

As someone who has lost a handful of people in the last few years, I found it really difficult to let go of attachments. I was pained by the fact that I gave my everything and yet the person left. 

Even after they depart from my life, I would still wonder what I might have done wrong, what made them leave. I would hold on so tightly to people that I let myself slip away. 

And as time went on, I realised how skewed that was. Because the truth is, no matter how hard I try, if someone wants to leave, they will eventually leave.

The Truth About Letting Go

Accepting their departure and letting them go made way for peace and serenity. It made me realise that you can never hold on to people; the more you try to firmly hold them or make them fit into your life the way you want to, the more they tend to move further away from you. The only thing you can do is let them know you are not going anywhere. 

The memories of past relationships often pop into my head, and the nostalgia of the good times we spent together often clouds my psyche from time to time.

But I no longer try to reason out why the bonds ended, for we were given to each other for a reason, to serve a purpose in each other’s timelines. 

And whenever I meet new people, I do not feed into expectations and accept the situation for who they are, rather who I want them to be and here is a saying that comforts me, If would want to, they surely would!

It is sad to realise that you loved them with your entire heart and yet they didn't stay, yet they hurt us like no one could. But I hope you never regret the love you gave them.

Maybe they needed that life, maybe they needed your kindness. However, there is beauty in these relationships, friendships, knowing you had a beautiful bond and memories of a lifetime till the time it lasted.

Let it hurt and then let it go. Because we live in a world that has finite strides of our humanity, and every person who enters our life enters for a season, for a reason, for a decade, or for a lifetime. And the only true attachment we can ever have is with ourselves.

So maybe the pain of the broken bond of friendship or a relationship might still linger in your heart, but I hope you trust yourself and trust god, that someday you will look back with a smile, knowing everything exactly worked out the way it was supposed to, and your life turned out to be better than you could have ever envisioned.

Authored by Hridya Sharma, freelance writer | Views expressed are the author's own.