In Defence Of PDA, Why Do We Put Leash On Love?

My partner and I were in the market, buying groceries and looking for garlic (we love them, more than each other), when I suddenly took his hand, did a swirl, and brought it around my shoulder. At that moment, it suddenly struck me that I had become something I used to despise- the ‘that couple’. The ones who unintentionally and unabashedly reach out to their lover in the metro stations or unknowingly hold them across their waist in a crowd. The ones who are unfazed like Barbara Palvin were when she did the “butt grab” with Dylan Sprouse, we all had our “aww moment” there, I mean I did.

But, oh wait….

I remember being disgusted and cringed, beyond heavens, every time Megan Fox and MGK let their tongues sing, and not they. 

…which makes me ponder 

Do I hate PDAs? Can I not stand them? Do they make me uncomfortable? What makes my skin crawl when I see the “that couple”?

But, oh wait again….

I let myself be the ‘that couple’, not once but every time I am in a public setting. From my new year’s kiss to holding hands to grabbing butts to making out aggressively in theatres, I have done it all. And, guess what- I LOVE IT!!

SORRY, DEAR READERS

Given we are writers, we love making stories out of one single train of thought. So, consider this an apology to all those couples I have made faces to, judged, and screamed at them to “go get a rooooom”, I am sorry!

While I am letting myself lose myself in unhinged thoughts, here is another- my aversion to PDAs aren’t based on some objective grounds, they are rather a figment of selective aversion. The day Elio said, “Elio, Elio, Elio, Elio…”, he left his imprints in my heart forever, while with Kardashian-Jenners, I can’t!! So, you must have figured out my reaction when I saw Timothy’s tongue all over Kylie.

But, when the former couple Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello (I still ship them) were dating and Instagram captured all their sweet PDAs, I would ship them so much. This leads me to conclude that: To some extent, I am perfectly okay with celebrities kissing because, let's all agree- they are elegant and sophisticated. Perfect angle, perfect side, perfect hair! When I am making out, there is no wind, no Kylie cosmetics, just my dry skin and a bun from two days! So, you know when I see people on metro stations, proclaiming their love violently, I am beyond revulsed. 

I will enjoy this tempting sight only if you are in aesthetically appealing co-ords, or you are celebs. I know how that sounds. Why are we so elitist and hierarchical in accepting simple moments of love? When did kissing have socially defined beauty standards? Who are we to decide?

Why PDA?

PDA is like an assurance, a reaffirmation, a proclamation of love, not through words but action. They are beautiful because aren’t we all just waiting to love and be loved? When, in airports, on holidays, people ignore barriers and kiss their lover or hug their parents, it’s warm, it's soft. We all want someone to pick us up after our work trip or a holiday and grab us, unabashedly, loudly. Somewhere, judgemental me is still waiting to be kissed, in the moonlight on the streets.

PDAs seem to be in the face because they are just ‘out there’ as compared to words that can be expressed in silence and whispers. But, PDA - oh, it demands violence. It demands a disruption. It doesn’t want to be a whisper or secret glance across the room. It wants to be held, swirled and devoured. It’s just a way to show off something that drives you mad and you are crazy about.

What we often ignore is our perception and response to PDAs are a product of our upbringing. It’s socially located. If we grew up in a space where physical touch is a love language, where our grandparents and parents haven't shied away from kissing and teasing, we might be comfortable with its appearances in public spaces. At the same time, when they weren’t been a sight when we were growing up, we might either be extremely uncomfortable with expressing ourselves or standing their expression or might crave them all the more because probably that’s healing.

In modern, westernised societies as opposed to traditional ones, people are probably more comfortable with kissing in public spaces. Precisely why we see more Hollywood celeb's pictures of making out on our feed and largely none of the Indian celebs. 

The disgust could also emanate from our internalisation. As women, we are socialised to be shy, to strictly follow the public-private dichotomy, and to control our sexuality. In such societies and cultures, PDA is put on a pyre of judgement. It can’t walk down the aisle without faces of disgust, ready to greet them. 

What does this say about us?

This plague of hatred and non-acceptance that has infected PDA is a reflection of the times we are living in. In the world of situationships, relationships aren’t cool. Expressing love is a weakness, a mere distraction. This pushback against romantic love and celebration of Platonism, in recent times, also influences how we perceive PDA- because what is it but a loud proclamation of love? We don’t want to be stereotyped as ‘that couple’ because there are more important things than love, who am I kidding? But, what if it’s not our firm ideological stance on love but just a moment of loneliness and envy? 

PDA treads on a very complicated understanding of the public-private dichotomy. Those who have a strong aversion to it are ruled by the strict segregation of spaces and their insides scream, PRIVATE! PRIVATE! PRIVATE! Get a rooom!! while those who feel the giggles and butterflies base their empathy on a subjective understanding of spaces. But, in the end, it’s just how you choose to perceive your relationship. Some are more private while others find comfort in loud proclamations. This is the only thing we need to remind each other of.

Be it celebs, or some random person in a parking lot, they are in love, maddening, sickening love. Deep down, are we not just hurting and desperately looking to heal? Love actually heals, and we all know that. Precisely why no measure of success gives us happiness, but a phone call from your lover does. So, if somewhere, you and I see someone, not celebs, just people like us making out aggressively under the streetlight, let’s try and not mind, because what is to mind? And, when that someone is us, let's aggressively make out because we are the ‘main character’ of our own lives in the movie called Life. 

Views expressed by the author are their own