Table For One? How Cooking & Eating By Yourself Is Empowering Too

One of my favourite scenes from a movie is a detailed montage in Bridesmaids (2011), where Kristen Wiig's character, Annie Walker whips herself a single red velvet cupcake after a hard day. Although alone, Annie does not forgo the elaborate decorations-- a topper made out of fondant, with each petal moulded and carved by hand, and then carefully finished with a brush of mild pink food paint. Finally, Annie observes her cupcake for a few seconds before taking a big, comforting bite.

That scene had 12-year-old me fascinated with the concept of making something from scratch, beautifying it, and then indulging in it all by oneself. Sure, cooking for a loved one and watching them lick their fingers clean is gratifying, but doing something passionately for oneself and getting to take decisions on the look and feel of it brings a different sense of comfort. That's why I love that solo cooking and solo dinner dates are in vogue on social media, with food content creators presenting a subculture of hearty, cosy recipes for one.

Recipes For One

Food content has always been a rage on social media, from #foodporn in the early Instagram days to "girl dinner" now. A comforting side has been emerging in this space, where creators are popularising the concept of cooking single portions of recipes that are typically made for more than one person or on special occasions.

This kind of content makes us realise that the (subjective) joy of cooking the food that we're longing for does not have to wait for company or an occasion. With a plethora of easy and fun recipe-for-one videos available online, people living alone do not have to order in for the seventieth time in a month, nor do they have to resort to noodles every day like Haruki Murakami in 1971. 

Cooking For Self Is Empowering

Cooking for oneself can be a cathartic relief from the outside world, as, in that brief moment, we are in control. We can decide the ingredients and portions, how we cook it, or how we display it. It is our time to shine for ourselves, after feeling like a cog in the wheel throughout a long day. In today's fast-paced world, cooking for oneself is one simple way in which we can feel like we have control over our own selves because we are the ones who can decide how we nourish our bodies.

Sangita Rajan, a media professional from Hyderabad, says she feels like she is on "autopilot" when she is cooking for herself.

"I'm usually on autopilot. I have music playing in the background, and I'm chopping and cooking. I don't even have to think about what I have to do next. It's very meditative for me, and at the end of the cooking process, I get to sit and eat in peace. That's something I really enjoy doing," she expressed. 

Priyadharshini Sethia, a psychology graduate from Bengaluru said that she cooks for herself whenever there is something made at home which she does not enjoy eating, or when she is craving something (especially chocolate cakes, she said) that her family does not enjoy eating.

"Sometimes when I cook for myself and no one else is eating I feel guilty about not being able to share. But I find it better to eat what I like while they enjoy what they like instead of either of us compromising... And I also feel much better about having less work to do than when I cook for the entire family," she said. 

As women, we are expected to learn how to cook from a young age, usually in an attempt to groom an ideal "wifey material" for our future spouses. But there is something empowering in cooking a multiple-course meal for oneself made with top-of-the-line ingredients, and complete with elaborate garnishes, just for oneself. To me, it feels like a reclamation of the pejorative narrative that "women belong in the kitchen."

Not Devoid Of Some Extra Loving 

While on most days, cooking a simple daal khichdi feels like a herculean task, taking the time out to add a dollop of ghee or a few leaves of coriander on top can emulate joy and comfort like no other. Even when there is no one else sharing the meal, paying attention to such details is a way of showing love to oneself and reminding oneself of all the effort that went into the meal-- be it a one-pot soup, or a multiple-course feast.

Popular food content creators like Tina (@Doobydobap) and Anjali Harikumar (@Beextravegant) resonate with this and not only share mouth-watering and easy-to-cook recipes for one, but also pay attention to details like preparation, plating, and garnishing.

Sethia agrees that attention to detail should not be compromised in solo cooking. "Just because I am cooking for myself, it doesn't mean that I am going to compromise on the quality of my meal, or not respect my skills and art of cooking... I pay attention to the process, techniques, and the amount of time something needs."

Mirroring Sethia's thought, Sangita Rajan also said that she likes her meals enjoyed like they would at a restaurant. "Even when I have an everyday dish like roti-sabji I have something on the side like a salad, or a glass of iced tea, and some coriander leaves on top of the sabji; because otherwise you'll get bored with what you cook, and it gets easy to get distracted, because there is a lot of options available these days. You know, with a click you can go order in something and that somehow seems easier. But, you know, cooking at home is cheaper. So, you know, you have to do something a little bit more for your meal."

Rajan added that although she lives alone and works on a hectic schedule, she prefers cooking over eating out for the sake of wellness.

"Restaurant food will always use more oil, and they're more carb heavy. But not just that, your palate will sort of start to crave for simpler things and that also has mental health repercussions. You get homesick and lonely a lot. Because food is a major stimulator for all of us. It's how we remember 'home'. It's how we seek comfort. So I think it's very important to learn how to cook at least the things that you know that make you feel comforted," she said.

My Learnings From Cooking For Self

Like Sangita Rajan said, food is a comfort blanket for many, and thus cooking for oneself should reflect that too. Sharing food has always been an expression of love, especially for women. Be it our grandmother overfeeding us ghee-laden meals when we visit them, or our mother bringing us chopped fruits while we stay up late nights studying for an exam. So why should this same love not be passed down from ourselves to ourselves?

Cooking for myself has been a journey of self-discovery, as I not only explored a new hobby and skills, but also used it as a mechanism to relieve stress, cumulate my thoughts, and show myself some much-needed love to myself. It has also helped me in self-growth, teaching me how to be systematic while following steps, patient while waiting for results, and astute while scramming for substitutes when I have missing ingredients. Cooking for myself has thus been a form of self-love, self-discovery, and self-expression.