Is The Dating Pool Really That Small, Or Just More Honest?

When you’re in your twenties, the dating pool seems huge. The second you’re single again, you know that going out, meeting someone you’re actually attracted to, and landing the next date will be easy. The world feels full of possibilities, and you’re genuinely excited about it.

But by the time you hit your thirties, things shift. The dates get fewer, you don’t get attracted to people as easily, and finding someone you can actually have a conversation with and feel a spark for seems almost impossible.

And when it comes to finding a serious relationship, that’s another challenge — because now, it requires ticking a few more boxes than it did before. So what happened? Did the pool really get smaller, or did we all just become more honest?

Realness in the dating world

Maybe the way dating worked before was always a mix of thrill but a disaster waiting to happen. People weren’t really honest back then. You’d date someone for months before realising what they were actually looking for. Now, if a guy is a f***boy, he shows it to you upfront. If he’s emotionally unavailable, he says it or makes it clear through his low effort.

But then again, here’s the problem. Most women are now complaining that everyone is low effort. And men say the same thing about women. Which makes you wonder — has our honesty made us complacent?

Has everyone become so aware of what they want that they’re no longer willing to give anyone a real chance?

Maybe that’s what’s actually happened. People are more self-aware, more vocal about their needs, and that’s great — but they’ve also stopped taking risks. No one wants to waste time, energy, or emotions anymore. Everyone wants certainty before they’ve even gone on a second date. And in doing so, we may have lost the fun of actually getting to know someone.

Because somewhere between trying to protect ourselves and trying to be “clear about what we want,” we’ve started forgetting what it feels like to just feel.

Because attraction still matters. The thrill of meeting someone new still matters. It’s not just about finding someone who ticks every emotional box — it’s about feeling something again. That spark. The one that reminds you that connection isn’t built from logic; it starts with chemistry that has the potential to grow into something real.

Somewhere along the way, we got so focused on finding the right person that we forgot how to let things unfold naturally. We want guarantees before we’ve even taken a chance — and sadly, that’s where the magic got lost.
So maybe the pool didn’t really get smaller.

Maybe it just got clearer. And in that clarity, what we’re craving isn’t perfection — it’s something real enough to feel, and brave enough to explore.

The real question is — are we really running out of options, or just running out of the courage to take a chance?

Article by Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert and Author of Love, Lust & Lemons. 

Views expressed by the author are their own.