Floodlighting: How Oversharing Too Soon Can Sabotage Your Love Life

Picture this–you match with someone online, and within the first few minutes of your conversation, they start telling you about their childhood traumas, previous toxic relationships; and now you're unsure how to respond. You barely know their last name, but suddenly, you’re their emotional support system. That's called Floodlighting.

What Does This New Dating Term Mean?

Floodlighting is when someone overshares deeply personal and emotionally intense details very early in a relationship, often before any real trust is built. It’s similar to flipping on a stadium’s floodlights instead of gradually adjusting a dimmer switch (that's how it gets its name, I guess). While it may seem like you are getting vulnerable to them, it can quickly become overwhelming for your partner and create an illusion of closeness that hasn’t actually been earned.

According to relationship experts, floodlighting can be a coping mechanism. Some do it to fast-track their intimacy, while others may not even realise that they’re doing it. 

“Vulnerability is essential in relationships, but dumping too much, too soon can make the other person feel pressured rather than connected,” says psychologist Dr Priya Malhotra.

How Does Floodlighting Affect Your Relationship?

In the beginning, it might feel flattering, someone trusts you enough to open up completely in front of you. But over time, floodlighting can lead to emotional exhaustion. The relationship might start to feel like an intense therapy session where one person shares and the other is expected to absorb it all. 

How To Deal With Floodlighting In A Relationship?

If you find yourself on the receiving end of floodlighting, here’s how to handle it:

• If someone is oversharing too soon, gently steer the conversation to a lighter topic. You don’t have to shut them down completely instead, you can say something along the lines of, “I really appreciate you opening up, but maybe we can take things one step at a time.”

• You’re not obligated to be someone’s emotional sponge. If their pace is making you uncomfortable, be honest about your feelings. A simple “I’d love to get to know you over time, rather than all at once” can deliver the message.

But, what if you're the floodlighter?

If you recognise yourself in this, it doesn’t mean you’re toxic. It just means you might need to learn to pace your emotional sharing.

• Before diving into deep conversations, ask yourself, "Would I expect them to share something this personal with me at this stage?"

• If the urge to overshare comes from a place of needing validation or emotional release, consider talking to a trusted friend or therapist instead of a new connection.

Real intimacy isn’t about dumping everything at once on your partner, it’s about feeling safe to share things at the right time. So the next time you’re in a new relationship, remember that meaningful connections are built over time, not in a single conversation.