New In Town? Women Share Five Ways To Make Friends Away From Home

In 2021, I was going to move to a new city for college. Days before I took off, I watched Emily in Paris, rising hopes that I too would quickly find my very own Camille or Mindy. But boy, was I mistaken! The only way I related to Lily Collins' whimsical character was the culture shock. Friendless in a new city with a whole new social code, I quickly realised that making friends as an adult was not as easy as bumping into them in a cafe or charming my way into house parties. 

Somewhere between those lonely weekends in my dorm and nights spent crying to my mother on the phone, I started figuring it out. Not overnight, but eventually. Here's what helped, and what might help you too if you're new in town and wondering how to start building your social circle from scratch.

New Friends In A New City

First and foremost, don't be afraid to seem 'clingy'

Honestly, the only way I eventually made friends in college was by "inviting myself" into cliques. I realised that my shyness or insecurities were keeping me from being accepted into circles. Because people often don't realise that you are being left out.

There were times I felt like I was imposing myself on people and had to embarrassingly remove myself from the situation. However, most other times, I was welcomed and included in plans because I showed up and made an effort. 

Adult friendships are not as easy as becoming instant besties with the girl who borrowed a pencil from you in school. They often require genuine intention and self-confidence.

So the next time you see your colleague or classmate go to the canteen for a chai break, tag along, even if they did not explicitly ask you. Who knows, you might just find a new bestie in them.

Try activity classes

In the show Insecure, Issa Rae's character joins a paint-and-sip workshop where she befriends three women. They get tipsy and laugh around at their rather phallic-looking cacti paintings. (Let's pretend she does not get ghosted and duped later in the episode). Going on a solo date to such workshops is a great meet new people and engage in a fun activity.

Many cities organise events like paint and sips, pottery workshops, baking classes, or improv sessions that are great ways to try something new and be around people without the pressure of 'networking'.

Tanvy Raj, a marketing professional based in Mumbai, revealed, "I joined a pottery class without expecting anything and became friends with a girl who was equally bad as me! We are planning on trying a new activity together soon."

Join some groups

Find out if there are any communities of people from your town in the new city. It is a great way to feel connected to home, celebrate festivals together, and share inside jokes that don't need explaining. Don't stop there, you can also find communities of people with the same hobbies, like fitness groups, fan clubs, travel communities, or heritage walk communities. 

Sandra A, a journalism student, joined an online community for Malayalis in Bengaluru. "I found a Mallu group through Instagram, and we have organised some meet-ups. Onam is coming soon, and we are planning some activities to celebrate here because we don't have holidays to go back home. It is nice to be connected to our roots," she shared.

Ragini Daliya, a journalist based in Siliguri, revealed that she and her husband joined hobby-based communities to meet new people. "For me, it has always been a little difficult to find new friends because I am introverted. So we joined a book club, which holds sessions every alternate Saturday, and mingle with people our age," she shared. "Although we don't have a close circle, at least we have somebody other than just the two of us to hang out with."

Make the internet your 'wingman'

Joining a dating/friendship app may feel 'desperate' at first, but trust me, everyone is on the same boat as you. I found more new-in-town women like me with whom I am still good friends.

One such friend is Pragna Ganesh, a hospitality professional, who told me how she made new friends in the new city. "I was initially scared about safety on friendship apps, but I gave it a try because the loneliness was getting too much," she revealed.

"I found a few cool people that I hung out with. Sometimes you can also find people from your home city there, so it's kinda cool. Many of them are not in touch anymore, but at least when I was in that city, I had them around to fill the gap. You have to be careful, but surely don't be scared to try. Do a background check by going through their social media before meeting them."

Join mixers and events

Many cosmopolitan Indian cities have been organising 'mixers' with the sole purpose of meeting new people. Sometimes romantically, sometimes platonically. Whatever's your vibe. From curated open mics to 'speed-dating/friending' and bachata nights to game nights, these group events create a low-pressure environment to meet people outside your workplace or class schedule.

Didn't work; what next?

What if you tried all these methods and still cannot get past the 'hi, hello' phase? First of all, you're not alone. Despite our best efforts, sometimes friendships don’t click. And that's okay! Sometimes, all it takes is to redefine what a new friendship means. 

Maybe you won't find your soulmate at an art workshop, but at least you tried something different. Maybe that one friend from the "Birdwatchers of Chennai" group is not open to meeting for lunch, but at least you made a companion for your next nature trail. Friendships don't always blossom into best-friendships, and as adults, we slowly learn to accept that.

If there's one thing I’ve learned about new adult friendships, it’s that meaningful bonds rarely happen instantly. It takes being awkward, trying again, and letting people in. And if new friends are not as "chill" as you’d hoped, give yourself grace. Try again and remember to nurture the relationships you already have.

Views expressed by the author are their own.