Women Hold Families Together: We Need To Value And Respect Them

We had a heart-breaking incident in the family last weekend. A close relative’s wife passed away after delivering twins – a boy and a girl through IVF. She was in her late 30s. Our family had come to love the girl, she was the daughter-in-law of the family. We saw her struggle through infertility treatments and then the IVF procedures. Finally, when we got the message that she had delivered twins we sighed in relief and were ecstatic for the couple. But then the next day, early morning, we got a call from her crying husband that “Dolly has passed away due to haemorrhage." We were stunned! It took us a day to even register this heart-wrenching tragedy.

Dolly will be missed forever, but the realisation that we need to love the women in our families hit me hard. We don’t realise that it’s the women who hold together a family.

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We need to value and respect women around us for the deeds and sacrifices they willingly make for the sake of their families, even if some sacrifices may seem uncalled for in hindsight.

She is the centre of a family

Take this young family for instance, with Dolly's demise their lives have turned upside down. I cannot even imagine what her husband must be going through, with two newborn babies to care for and his wife gone forever. All we could do was cry, when we heard that he had said to someone, “I just want my sisters to look after the babies till the time I am able to take care of them.” He further said he and his wife had planned on how they were going to bring up their kids. And that he intends to do just that.

What about the babies? Their aunt, who is looking after them will give them all the love she can of that we are sure, so will their grandmother. But ultimately we know there is no replacement for the love a mother showers on her children. And when they grow up, what do you say to them when they ask “Where’s our mom?” At this point the future of these twins is uncertain. While one can hope that they are loved and brought up well, the absence of their mother will be felt for sure.

Every woman’s body is different

Seeing her struggle to become a mother was painful. The many procedures and treatments that she underwent over the years and the initial failures make me wonder – Why do women take on so much? What made her push herself? Why is it drilled into us that a child alone makes a woman complete? That a child is a natural outcome after a marriage? Doesn’t this put pressure on a woman? Due to which she is ready to endure any amount of pain.

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I also ask, after being pumped with steroids and infertility drugs for years, how normal is a woman’s body after this? Is she able to enjoy her babies?

I personally think having a child should not be the sole purpose of marriage. Marriage means companionship and having a friend for life. A baby is, of course, most welcome, a baby should be like the cherry on the cake, if the couple so desires but certainly not the whole cake. I know couples who have decided not to have kids out of choice and are happy and thriving.

So, the underlined fact here is that if a woman’s body is not ready to carry a child and the woman is okay with that, then nobody should pressurise her to go in for painful treatments.

Pressure on women

The day a girl matures, the time of maturity differs from family to family, the thought of getting her married off becomes the sole purpose of the parents and the family. Of course, she gets an education, but only to get a good match, well, in most cases. First, they get her married then when she gets married everyone is waiting for the ‘good news’. If there is a delay then

there are whispers behind her back. She is advised to consult a certain doctor with good reputation of helping women have babies, meet a holy man and get blessed by him, consider infertility treatments and so on and so forth.

In all of this the men are doubted the last. When every procedure, every treatment is done with on the woman and there’s still no positive result only then are the men asked to get a diagnosis done.

Women are the glue

Dolly like all women was the glue that held her family together. She was a strong woman from a beautiful family. Being the eldest child of her family, she was the biggest support for her mother after her father passed away. She fulfilled her responsibilities as a daughter, sister, wife, and daughter-in-law and most importantly as a woman. We had gone to meet her mother to pay our condolences. Her anguish was palpable. She had indeed lost her strongest pillar of support. Being a single mother after the demise of her husband, she was a strong role model for Dolly. She and Dolly together had built up their family from scratch.

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Life is unfair, she should have been alive to see the smiling faces of her babies. She should have been alive so that we could have hugged her a little tighter, loved her more openly, and thanked her for all that she has done. But all these will remain regrets now.

That’s why I say we should love our women, be thankful to them for touching our lives, for we don’t know what’s on the other side.

Photo by Ashwini Chaudhary on Unsplash

The views expressed are the author's own.