Dear Mother In Law, I Can Only Be Your Daughter If You Treat Me Like One

"Tum ghar se kuchh seekh kar nahi aayi." Mothers-in-law need to start accepting their daughter-in-laws for who they are. And not force them to fit into a partiarchal system. Here's how I envisage good mother in laws are.

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It's difficult to part from your mother on getting married. Once with your in-laws, you begin to feel empty and crave to return home. At times your mother in law might also be the reason behind it. Very often, we find mothers in law blaming their daughters in law for creating a rift between her and her son. But there are occasions when we find the two women sharing a congenial relationship. The question however arises if she can treat you as her  daughter. A good mother in law is one who does not discriminate between her son and his life partner.


Mothers-in-law are not always so villainous as shown in movies and daily soaps. I have heard and seen plenty of stories where the mother in law and her daughter in law are no less than best friends. This relationship slowly develops and they start sharing a mother-daughter relationship. It's important for mothers-in-law to treat their daughters-in-law just like they would have treated their daughters. This helps in making families stronger. I know it's easier said than done. We still find cases of women leaving their in-laws because of the unbearable tortures they undergo by their mothers in law.

A good mother in law does not over expect from her daughter-in-law

Dear Mother in law, your bahu is a human and not a superwoman. You can't expect her to complete the household chores even when she is preoccupied. If your son returned home early from work but his wife didn't, that's because of the nature of her work. Encourage her to do well in her career instead of asking her to find a job with 'suitable timings'. She will not necessarily be able to 'maintain a fine balance' between home and work. Try accepting her way of life instead of forcing her to change it just to 'fit into' your family.

Also Read: My Supportive Mother-In-Law Is The Reason Why I Have A Career Today

Listen to your daughter-in-law like a good mother in law

There are occasions when we need our mothers the most. We long to have conversations with them even as married women. These are the times when you should listen to your daughter-in-law. Make her feel more at home so that she misses her own place a little less. You can become a good mother in law only when you treat her as your daughter and not your son's wife. It's important to give her as much time as you give your son, if  not more.


Never Say, "Tum ghar se kuchh seekh kar nahi aayi."

Mothers don't raise their daughters to become wives. They raise them to be successful women who may or may not marry. Expecting your daughter-in-law to be an 'adarsh bahu' seems to be wrong on your part. Isn't it great that she stands at an equal footing with your son? Just because she is not an expert at cooking or washing utensils doesn't give you the right to pose a question on how her parents have brought her up.

Also Read: Why Is It A Compulsion For Women To Please Their Mother-In-Law?

There should be no place for jealousy or misunderstanding in your relationship with your mother-in-law. The more both of you spend days together, the better you will get to know each other. There will also be quarrels and sometimes, you will end up being hurt. But at the end, you will feel fortunate to have her because after all, she is the one who accepted you as the best one for her child.

Can We Change this?

  • A Mother in law can be great friends with her daughter in law. For a congenial relationship to exist, equal efforts should be put from both sides.
  • A good mother in law should view her daughter in law as her own children.
  • There shouldn't be any discrimination by a mother in law against her daughter in law.

Why do some women still have to complain about their dominating mothers in law? Is it really that difficult for you to give your daughter in law the same love that you give to your son? How can she keep loving and respecting you if you don't treat her the same way? Is it not possible for all mothers in law to be good to their daughters in law? The time is changing and so should we.

Views Expressed Are Writer's Own.

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