Some days back I was speaking to a two-week-old mother and she confessed that she cannot tell what day or date it is. Time for her now is governed by feeding time and sleeping time. And in the morning today, I wondered how just like that it is Valentine’s Day 2020, feels like just yesterday we welcomed the new decade. Time is indeed running away when you are a young mother trying to balance the multiple roles you are fulfilling.
And since it is the proverbial day of love, I couldn’t wonder how Romance which is a quintessential part of conjugal relationship keeps morphing its meaning, with the more responsibilities and roles we keep embracing as a couple. The biggest change your relationship survives is being a parent, and that is the first time you actually learn to make space between the two of you.
A brief hug, holding hands a simple pat on the back before leaving for a workday are a lot more reassuring than a long conversation.
Transitioning into parenthood causes profound changes in a couple’s life, adding a baby to a household is a tough task, in all respects. From being lovers, when you become parents the focus of your attention also changes. Initially, it is mundane activities like feeding and burping which sap you of your energy from doing anything else. Sometimes you bicker. Nothing remains straightforward. For simple things like going out to eat, there is at least a 10-point list that needs to be checked. Is the place kid-friendly? Travel time? Waiting time? Will we be back before his next feed? All your decisions have to suit your little one’s special schedule. Sickness bags are the first things you pack even before thinking about what outfit to wear.
Transitioning into parenthood causes profound changes in a couple’s life, adding a baby to a household is a tough task, in all respects.
From being just us it takes time to accept that the new normal now is me, my husband and my child. Stealing alone time is a challenge. And then once the child starts growing up and understands and starts picking up things from his environment you are so careful of saying and doing things in front of them that you can almost run the censor board.
But having a child also brings you closer than ever before and in ways you would have never imagined. When you both are worried for the little one through his/her sicknesses, the sleepless nights and many doctor visits and when you finally overcome it, you know that you couldn’t have done it without each other and that you are together in it for a lifetime.
From being just us it takes time to accept that the new normal now is me, my husband and my child. Stealing alone time is a challenge.
When you are newly in love there are a lot of things that need to be said and heard. Pauses sometimes can be very difficult to deal with but now a brief hug, holding hands a simple pat on the back before leaving for a workday are a lot more reassuring than a long conversation. These simple gestures assure that there is someone who is trying to make your life better.
Today a romantic night for me means that the husband is home in good time, the kid has gone to bed early and two of us are quietly having our dinner while watching some trash on television. We enjoy this quiet now. Candles, wines and music are not always needed.
The views expressed are the author’s own.