Today, most women in our generation share the same dilemma repeatedly with men; how do you get him to commit? Old school dating is a concept that is just that – old. And while some of us are left wanting and hoping relationships will blossom from something casual, most of the time they don’t. Unfortunately, in our generation, everything starts out label-less. So, in a world where you have to play by the new rules, how do you get the guy you want to commit?
Don’t push “the talk”: While I am all for women having “the ball in their court,” new rules suggest that playing it cool is the way to achieve this. By having “the talk” during initial stages, you may think that you are standing your ground; however, it makes you come across as too eager too soon. The same way a man is deciding whether you are worthy of him giving up his freedom, you should be doing the exact same thing. Get to know him! Decide if this is something you really want. So, what if he is charming and seems to fit all your boxes? Doesn’t it take time to decide whether he is good enough for you? It should!
Don’t always be available: Another way to come across incredibly eager is to always be available when he wants to make plans. If he is free when you want to make plans, then your actions can match his. This shows mutual interest. However, if plans are only made when he wants to meet, and you are always readily available, he already knows that you are extremely interested. You need to create some sort of mystery. Instead of just pretending to have a full life, why not truly have one? Don’t ditch your friends because he made a last-minute plan. Tell him you’re busy, and you will rain check when you are free!
Don’t be someone you’re not: If you pretend to like the same things as him, even if you don’t, in order to get him to commit, he will eventually figure this out! The point of being in a relationship is to find someone you are compatible with and not to just be in one for the sake of it. If you can’t find things in common, then perhaps, he is not the one. Don’t force a connection. Make sure it is truly there and that this is something you want.
Show you care: When you do spend time with him, you can go ahead and show him that you care. You want the connection to grow, so act as to how you feel. Creating mystery is for when you are not together, but if you do this in person, he may feel you are not interested. Enjoy your time together, and do not overthink everything!
Having “the talk”: Eventually, you do have to have “the talk” if he hasn’t brought it up. Lightly mention what you are looking for in your life and where you stand. Ask him where he is in his life. Based on his answer, you will be able to gauge where he stands, and then it is up to you to decide if you want to continue this or not. Be careful not to bring this up too soon. You need to give it time. If you bring this up before you have had a chance to get to know each other, it may freak him out. Wait at least three months before you start questioning things.
At the end of the day, it is about what you want! You are not stuck in any situation. If you do not like how things are panning out, walk away. Most women stay in situations that they are unhappy with because they claim to be attached. GET A GRIP, LADIES! Three months is not enough for you to get attached, and we both know that you can get over this in a week if you want to!
We all hope that our time spent with someone doesn’t get wasted and has the potential for a monogamous relationship. Women are so focused on being in a relationship and putting a label on things that they don’t take the time to see if it is the right man for them.
Maybe, when it comes to dating, we should stop shopping so eagerly for labels and simply just be looking for love.
Excerpted with permission from Shahzeen Shivdasani’s book Love, lust & lemons. Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert & Millennial Author of the book Love, Lust & Lemons.