Dear Society, Do You Ask These Questions to A Working Man?

Why is it that a mom is judged for working and not a dad? And if we make such sexist differences between them then are we really progressing?

Shriya Sarang
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The society is full of questions and unsolicited advice for working moms on how to manage work, home and children simultaneously. Working moms are often called selfish for not leaving their jobs while a man isn't. So why are only women shamed?

The society sets up unnecessary expectations from a working mom at the bargain of letting her work. But dear so-called progressive society, the problem starts when you 'decide and let' women do the things in her life. Have you ever allowed a man to do things? Or have you ever judged a man for raping, murdering, physically, verbally and mentally abusing others? Then why judge a woman for pursuing her dreams?

Consider this example. Would you ask the following questions to man?

  • Are you a working dad, how do you manage your children?
  • Are you worried about if you'd get paid leave to adopt a child?
  • Oh my god, are you on the 'that time of the month' or are the kids irritating you?
  • You are not planning for another baby, are you?
  • Do you miss your children who are alone at home?
  • Why don't you try an easier job where you can also manage your child?
  • Do you have any plans to get married and have children in the future?
  • Is your child sick again?

Probably, while reading through these questions, you might get the point I am trying to get across. These questions are often and so-called harmlessly asked every woman, mom or not mom. Working moms face an even bigger arena of judgement at the workplace as well as their in-laws' house for being a mom and working. But let's ask ourselves, if we say that we stand for equality, then how we ask these sexist questions to moms only and not dads? How come we only expect a woman to come home and be a parent while a man can come home and chill?

The answer lies in the stereotype which says that working moms can never be good moms. And for the record, this stereotype is completely baseless. 

The depiction of working moms on the TV


So to the 90s kids who watched the serial 'Sadda Haq' airing on Channel V from 2013 to 2016, you probably know the character of Randhir played by Param Singh. Randhir as a character had anger issues and the reason depicted in the show is a bad childhood. And guess the reason for his bad childhood, I'll wait. A working mom! But you know what Randhir had an alcoholic dad too, whom nobody blames, not even Randhir.

In fact, throughout the serial Randhir is seen avoiding his mom as he hates her for not giving him enough time while she worked but he doesn't hate the dad for doing the same? Is that even fair, Randhir? Your mom was working her days and nights to give you life because your father wasn't even contributing financially, and you blame her in the end?

Further, in the serial, Randhir forgives his dad for ignoring him and not supporting him financially or not even being the bare minimum of his father. But he continues to hold a grudge against his mom for being busy. Hypocrisy? There are examples out there, of children who hate their moms particularly for working and playing 'Ghar Ghar' with them. But they wouldn't hate their fathers. And that's where you need to ask yourself these crucial questions -

  • Have I set the bar too high for my mom as compared to my dad?
  • Have I forgotten that my mother is a human too with ambitions of her own?
  • Am I biased between my mom and dad to the extent that I mentally harass my own mother?
  • Do I even deserve my mother after the numerous sacrifices she did for me?

The answer to the last question is no, we all have underestimated our moms at some point and we don't deserve these heavenly selfless creatures on earth. But we can make this situation a little better by celebrating the working moms and cherishing their existence.

Views expressed are author's own. 

gender equality working moms Sadda Haq