Excerpt: Resilience Decoded Offers A New Roadmap For Raising Resilient Teens

With the rise of the digital age, the rules of parenting changed. Teens are now growing up in a storm of stimulation – endless notifications, academic pressure, curated perfection, and connection that often feels more isolating than real. Anxiety is no longer an exception; it’s becoming the norm. Depression, burnout, and emotional shutdown are showing up earlier and more often, and parents are left helplessly wondering if they’ve already lost their child to a screen. With a voice that is equal parts scientist and storyteller, Resilience Decoded is both a manual and a memoir of modern parenting. 

From understanding why your teens seem impulsive or unreachable, to managing digital overwhelm, burnout, and the long-reaching effects of pandemic-era isolation, Resilience Decoded offers parents a roadmap not with judgment, but with tools. Drawing from cutting-edge neuroscience, years of stress research at the National Institutes of Health, and her own experience, Dr. Shetty delivers a clear-eyed, compassionate guide to understanding the adolescent brain, which refuses to view adolescence as a problem to be solved.

Here's an excerpt from Resilience Decoded by Sujata Kelkar Shetty

If I had to choose one word to describe what parenting has meant to me, it would be ‘joy’. Pure joy. This doesn’t mean every moment is filled with laughter or elation, but witnessing my children— as well as myself and my husband—growing through challenging moments fills me with a sense of marvel. We are explorers in uncharted territory as each child is so uniquely different. We have no visibility into who they are or who they will become. We only have our aspirations and dreams, and from there, we embark on this exploration. We learn, adapt and sometimes change course. 

It’s important to pause and take in the journey, to celebrate the moments with joy and gratitude, instead of getting lost in the ‘must-dos’. Parenting is not a job; it’s life. It’s joy—if we trust ourselves, our kids and the community of family, friends and educators around us.

In an interview, Divya Balagopal, senior partner at Mundkur Law Partners and parent of three teens, said: ‘Lean in and breathe . . .’ 

Divya’s words resonated deeply with me and realigned my thinking. ‘Parenting isn’t a job, it’s life.’ And life, I realized, needs a village to sustain itself. We can’t do everything alone—and we shouldn’t have to. Raising resilient teens also requires support from schools and the extended community. 

A study on mental health by the WHO found that schools and communities are some of the most influential social settings in promoting young people’s mental health and well-being. Given the rising mental health concerns among teens, schools have a vital role to play. Research supports this—a review of over forty-five studies shows a clear link between the school ‘climate’ and teen mental health and resilience. The school climate encompasses the physical and social environment, including how safe students feel. Unsurprisingly, studies indicate that teens attending schools with higher levels of bullying are more likely to experience poor mental health. A large US national longitudinal study of adolescent health also found that school climate influences symptoms of depression among teens.

Schools are not only places where mental health can deteriorate but also powerful settings for delivering effective interventions. They can serve as resilient, supportive environments that help prevent mental health problems before they start. Since teens spend most of their waking hours at school, there’s growing evidence that school-level interventions can bolster resilience and functioning. It all comes down to leadership and commitment.

Research consistently shows that loneliness and mental health issues often go hand in hand in teens. Loneliness exacerbates depression and anxiety, making community-level interventions crucial. Opportunities for teens to volunteer locally, join sports teams or simply play table tennis with friends can make a significant difference. These activities must be accessible to all.

Resilient teens are more likely to grow into resilient adults—a goal worth striving for.

Extracted with permission from Sujata Kelkar Shetty's Resilience Decoded: What Every Parent Should Know About Teen Mental Health; published by Penguin Random House India