My Polyamory Starter Pack: 10 Books That Changed How I Love

All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India is an eye-opening book on polyamory—the practice of being in love with or without sexual intimacies with more than one person simultaneously, with the consent of all—in India. For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer.

As a practising polyamorist, Arundhati Ghosh dispels myths and throws light on the skills necessary to maintain a fulfilling and responsible polyamorous lifestyle—how to honour boundaries; how to resolve conflicts, and define relationships on their own terms; how to divide time among partners; how to foster honest intimacy; how to find community and navigate break-ups, jealousy, and living arrangements; how to practise safe sex, raise a family; and much, much more.

Here's an excerpt from Arundhati Ghosh's All Our Loves

There are many books, podcasts, and other resources available online for those desiring to explore polyamory. The range includes material on conceptual frameworks, practical advice,  workbooks, real-life case studies as well as fictional accounts.  What I am sharing here is a list of my personal top-ten resources that, over the past many years, helped me get a better sense of the world of love, relationships, and polyamory. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.  

1. The Ethical Slut (Third Edition): A Practical Guide to  Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton 

The first edition of this book opened my eyes. Now the enriched and rejuvenated third edition is here. Based on how to build ethical non-monogamous relationships, it is a wonderful journey into understanding the joys and hardships that are encountered. It has helpful tips, exercises, and several examples from life to illustrate the practical advice and suggestions.  

2. All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks 

A perfect combination of practical sensibility and philosophical wisdom, this book challenges conventional notions of love and enables fresh perspectives. Exploring love through the varied lenses of gender, race, and class, it helps self-reflection and creating healthy relationships with others. Though not on polyamory, this book has been a primer for me to understand love.  

3. When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships by Dr Elisabeth Scheff 

This is a short pamphlet for beginners with basic and accessible facts as an introduction to polyamory. It gives clear conceptual understanding, addresses misconception, and offers practical suggestions with real-life examples. With focused information,  it does not overwhelm the reader with too many details. This was one of the first materials I read on polyamory.  

4. Intimate Relations: Exploring Indian Sexuality by Sudhir Kakar 

This is considered a significant work in understanding sexuality and relationships in India from a psychoanalytical perspective.  It addresses how history, social structures, and cultural practices influence intimate relationships in India. While this is a much-debated book, for me, it offered a deep dive into the Indian psyche. It was a pleasurable book to read due to the mythological and literary references as well.  

5. The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola 

Empathetic and non-judgemental, this book enables developing various kinds of emotional and intellectual skills to nurture healthy relationships. It is a fabulous self-help guidebook that has various exercises to cope with jealousy, which is seen as a natural emotion.  

6. Many Love: A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love(s) by Sophie Lucido Johnson 

This is an autobiographical graphic novel that is funny, feminist, and fast-paced. It gently narrates the story of polyamorous lives with humour and charm. While it examines conventional structures of love and its demands, it is both compassionate and courageous in suggesting alternative possibilities of being.  

7. Polysecure by Jessica Fern  

Written from healing and therapeutic perspectives, this book guides polyamorous relationships through the intersections of psychological needs and an ethical framework. It uses the further explorations attachment theory to address wounds caused in relationships and focuses on self-work and reflection through which to build the skills and capacity to navigate challenges. This book is for a slightly more evolved reader who may already be practising polyamory.  

8. Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities by Kevin  A. Patterson 

This is a collection of first-person perspectives on the intersection of race, sexuality, and relationship structures within alternative communities. Focusing on inclusivity and safety,  this book is for those interested in a deeper understanding of intersectional identities and community-building. While reading this, I wondered how a similar book with the Dalit perspective in India could look like.  

9. Stepping off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life by Amy Gahran 

Over 1,500 people were interviewed in the making of this book, that explores various ways of loving and living outside of monogamy. These include polyamory, swinging, and open relationships as well as living alone and non-prioritizing any one partner. It is written in a funny and practical manner.  

10. The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival by Kathy Labriola 

This one is for those already in polyamorous relationships.  It brings deep insights and empathetic advice for people to deal with difficult breakups. It is practical and wise and has been my go-to book to understand why friendships and other relationships fail, especially when the reasons are embedded in uneven communication and difficulties in understanding each other’s point of view. 

Extracted with permission from Arundhati Ghosh's All Our Loves; published by Aleph Book Company.